Simplify!

I am realizing that simplifying requires making difficult decisions. I have the opportunity to really simplify my life but it would be at the expense of several others. Yes they would survive but there would be disappointment and hurts, that far to many, have already experienced. So figuring out what, where, when and how to simplify is more difficult than I had anticipated. It's not just my decision to not watch television or to read one less book or to not volunteer for one more task. Those things are the easy ones because they only affect me.

The Prayer room by itself is simple but when we undertook having 5 churches use the facility simple went out the door. I'm not regretting that move and I'm not complaining about them. I am looking at my focus of simplifying and wondering how to hang onto the things that are important to me all the while realizing that they are taking away some level of simplicity. The idea of simplifying is more than waking up one morning and making it so. If I am not careful I could wake up one morning and find that I have simplified my life down to nothing. I can't just get rid of everything that seems to be difficult. I can't forget every person that seems to drain me. I can't ignore every leading that seemingly comes from God.

Psalm 1 comes to mind......... I am guessing that there must be some direction for me in the words of these verses.

BLESSED (HAPPY, fortunate, prosperous, and enviable) is the man who walks and lives not in the counsel of the ungodly [following their advice, their plans and purposes], nor stands [submissive and inactive] in the path where sinners walk, nor sits down [to relax and rest] where the scornful [and the mockers] gather. But his delight and desire are in the law of the Lord, and on His law (the precepts, the instructions, the teachings of God) he habitually meditates (ponders and studies) by day and by night. And he shall be like a tree firmly planted [and tended] by the streams of water, ready to bring forth its fruit in its season; its leaf also shall not fade or wither; and everything he does shall prosper [and come to maturity]. Not so the wicked [those disobedient and living without God are not so]. But they are like the chaff [worthless, dead, without substance] which the wind drives away. Therefore the wicked [those disobedient and living without God] shall not stand [justified] in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous [those who are upright and in right standing with God]. For the Lord knows and is fully acquainted with the way of the righteous, but the way of the ungodly [those living outside God's will] shall perish (end in ruin and come to nought).

Simplify!

As my grandson would say, "No more wake ups." That means Ann Marie is coming home today! While I always accomplish much when she is away I never realize the full benefits of it because it is mixed with missing her. This time in my attempt to simplify I spent the week sorting and filing 5 years worth of records and receipts. I had gotten so busy doing ministry that I ignored our personal responsibilities. God things always come before everything don't they? Well about 50 hours in total and I am 75% there. Five years makes some big stacks when you keep the receipts for everything. Okay so they were boxes and not just stacks.

It does feel good and there have been some revelations as well. I have committed to NOT do what we have been doing for those years. It's not that I regret any of it but when you are living life in a state of delusion you do corresponding things. This was a difficult task because I said I was not going to do my normal reflection exercises this year, yet, here I was sorting my life pile by pile.

Organizing will bring simplicity for 2008. When I need information I will know right where to get it. There is a freedom that comes from not having to look at these stacks every time I add to them because I'm just to busy to file them right then. As the mail has arrived this week I have already experienced the sense of accomplishment that comes from having a place to file it and I don't mean in another box and another stack. It is a beautiful thing to look into my little black box and see file folders with the names of each utility company, insurance company etc..

This may not sound very spiritual but it is very much so for me. God was very organized and Jesus taught about organization. I could not keep on doing the God thing here and ignoring the God thing there. One part of God's word can not contradict another part of His word. One part of my life can not contradict another part of my life.

In closing God has a book with our names written in it. A book is for information. It is a written record. If God can keep all of mankind organized in one book then I should be able to keep this short life of mine in an organized manner as well.

Simplify!

The hours are counting down in December and 2007. It is shaping up to be one of the most memorable years of my life. Nothing stands out as bad and nothing stands out as extraordinary. What does stand out has been the simplicity of that.

I am a visionary. I am very creative. Yet this year there has been no new vision and nothing creative. It's been being still and letting God be God. Oh there have been temptations. I would have loved to sink my teeth into a couple seemingly great opportunities this year. It has been spoken of me in the past that I was a WOW person. If you wanted wow then Ed was the man. The only wow that comes to mind for this year is how simple life has become. By no means am I saying that I have it down or that I don't have a long way to go. Most assuredly there is more to do in that direction. But I can't remember a year without a wow. Some big event or undertaking that was bigger than life. Today the only thing bigger than life thing to me is God. I am so aware of how little I understand and know about Him. Yet I am equally aware that I am closer to Him than ever before.

I have been thinking that I have lost my creativity or that I am out of energy and that I have lost my edge. That may all be true when it's in the worlds perspective but as for my relationship with God...... I have the energy of ten men and I feel like I'm still on the cutting edge of not so much as to what He's doing but as to who He is and how much He loves me and what He has done for me. So long as I take every thought captive to the word of God I spend my days living in God's house, gazing upon His beauty, and sitting at His feet. Many say that they want that. I have it. I think the difference is that for most it is a dream and we all know that dreams are just thoughts that didn't receive enough effort to become reality.

And here's the truth. I had to spend days in God's house, gaze upon His beauty and sit at His feet long before He gave us Onething Prayer Center. Until recently I thought the journey I am on today began 5 years ago. As of this writting it has been revealed that it began about 25 years ago. I'm sure that I may actually see at some time how it began long before that but it is amazing to be able to look back and see that some of my choices have and are turning out to be good ones.

Out of revelation of my relationship with the father has come a correct response.

Simplify!

For some reason my attention was drawn to commercials yesterday. Let me say "I HATE COMMERCIALS!" Especially ones that speak down to me which is probably 98% of them. Anyway with my crusade for simplicity my attention perhaps was looking or listening for ways to simplify and so commercials got more attention than normal.

What I heard and saw was not what I am seeing as simplifying. This year the power toothbrush seems to be a major item. Then there are the banks promoting cell phone accessibility for paying bills, transferring funds and checking my balances. While these items and many more are presented as ways to improve life and make what would be otherwise wasted minutes valuable I am not of the same mind. Do I really need to pay bills while I'm at the movies? Do I not remember what I deposit and what I spend to the degree that I must have access every moment of every day to my balance? As for transferring money, how many accounts am I supposed to have? Let's just say for a moment that these things are really valuable and I'm not conceding that, what will I do with these rescued seconds or even minutes? If I were to use every device that is being touted as time saving and improved for my benefit how much time would I gain in a day? NONE! There is only 24 hours in a day. I will simply put more into the that 24 hours and the real question then is will that be a benefit to me?

What will I get when my cell phone drops signal in the middle of my payment of the bill that I didn't pay until 4:58pm on the last day that it's due because I thought I could do it on my phone and I CAN'T. Frustration? The idea of paying bills on my cell phone means that I can do it while I'm doing something else. That's not what I see as simplifying. I know that I am just focusing on the cell phone thing but I can make the same case for any number of other "delusions" as well.

INSTANT GRATIFICATION! Now there's a familiar term. There are times when I can recall where God moved instantly. But more often I see a God of patience. I am reminded that there is no security in what God is doing. Only in who He is. In the past I have been draw by what God seems to be doing and where He seems to be doing it. Simplifying for me now is to focus on who He is.

Simplify!

As part of my simplify focus I have decide to not undertake any new thoughts. You might ask how I intend to accomplish that as thoughts just come and go as they please don't they? NOT! Well at least partially not.

2 Corinthians 10:3-6 The world is unprincipled. It's dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn't fight fair. But we don't live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.

It is true that thoughts come at will but I am in control of how much attention they get. I determine whether they are worthy of action or trash to be discarded. This may sound like more work than simplifying. The word says, it's not when I use my powerful God tools.

The best example I can use is that of a power drill. A power drill makes putting a screw into something much easier than doing so with a non-powered screw driver. In fact I'm not sure why the non-powered screw driver hasn't been placed in a museum. The power of a drill has so many advantages. This is true for all power tools. I do not own many but I have a friend who has them all. If I have a major project I call him up and ask him to bring his tools. I enjoy the benefits of what he has bought and paid for.

I do not have all the understanding and wisdom that God has. I don't have the patience that God has. But, by virtue of my relationship with him He allows me to use His power tools. My friend/God makes sure that the tools are ready for use. The battery is always charged and all the add on tools are there ready for me and my task.

It's true that much of my confusion, my outer collapses come from loose thoughts and emotions and impulses. Perhaps I am still trying to put the screw in with an old fashioned non-powered screw driver. I think I'll make a call to my Friend/God who has all the latest greatest power tools.

The tools have been bought and paid for! The tools have been made ready! The tools are at hand for my use! I am equipped to clear my mind of every obstruction! I am prepared to build my life of obedience into maturity!

Simplify!

Simplify - to make less complex or complicated; make plainer or easier.

I have determined to not get reflective during this holiday season as I usually do. I have instead decided to focus on simplifying. I want to make my life less complex, less complicated, plainer and easier.

Jesus said in Mark 12:29-31 29 The first and principal one of all commands is: Hear, O Israel, The Lord our God is one Lord; 30 And you shall love the Lord your God out of and with your whole heart and out of and with all your soul (your life) and out of and with all your mind (with your faculty of thought and your moral understanding) and out of and with all your strength. This is the first and principal commandment. 31The second is like it and is this, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.

If there are no greater commandments than these then I can simplify by focusing on these two things. To help me with this I can take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle. On one side I write Love the Lord and on the other side I write Love others. This becomes a measuring stick as to where my thoughts and actions are focused.

My first official action of focus on this was to send a letter to someone we have known for 27 or so years. We were very close and recently his actions ended him up in prison for 30 some years. I will not go into detail as love records no record of a wrong done. Lesson number 1. Last week I was led to look him up in the federal prison system and was surprised how easy it was. I sent him a letter which was personal. I received his response today. He shared that nobody has written him in the 4 years he has been in there other than his mother a couple of times. Nobody has visited him in that same time period other than his mother a couple of times. How sad. This is a man who is paying for his sin but are we to forget him like he never existed? Why have I not written sooner? Especially when I have forgiven him years ago. Why can we as people and more so as Christians find it so easy to disregard a person?

There is no greater commandment than these!

More.. Just Thoughts

Selah! (pause and think on that) It's good to not have to make conversation, to be able to just pause and think on what already is verses what may be.

More.. Just Thoughts

I ended yesterday different than my morning intentions. Big surprise! It wasn't another zoom day as I do remember almost every detail but, my closing line to someone was that "Sometimes God is a pain in the neck."

If anyone has been reading these blogs then you know that I have wanted, insisted, almost demanded a clear word from God similar to Elijah's experiences. All the while realizing that those types of words have done nothing for people long term. Adam and Eve walked with God and it did nothing for them in their everyday life. The Israelites saw God by day as a cloud and as fire by night, yet it did nothing to get them into the promised land. But I wanted the experience for myself. Perhaps I would be different that Adam and Eve and the thousands who wandered for forty years.

It was this past Monday that I got my Elijah experience. But by yesterday, Wednesday, just two days later I was asking for another word to support or go along with the Monday word. As I suspected in the past that one God word would not enough was now truth. As great as it was, just two days later it seemed to be less than first thought. It seemed to be incomplete. Incomplete enough to make me wonder if it was really a God word yet... I believe very strongly that it was!

Remember back some time ago when I said that I wished the Bible would fill in the details of stories? What did Elijah do everyday while sitting at the brook? That kind of stuff. I think I know why it's not written about. It's because those times are different for every person. Some may take the time and make it a vacation while others may be bored and go out and do whatever. The times between God words is personal and intimate. I can not live Elijah's life. I must live Ed's life. What Elijah did will not help me do the same thing. My story is yet to be written. What will I do with the word that God gave me? Will I stay put as Elijah did? Will I then move as Elijah did and find a widow waiting for me at the gate? What will I do now that I have what "I believe" is direction from God?

More Just Thoughts

Tuesday..... ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Guilty as charged! I allowed the day to run me and I bought in hook, line and sinker to missing the value of a day lived for God. The whole day or at least what I remember of it was all about the future. In fact it was all about 2008 and the "better year" that is coming. At least 7 people made remark as to how fast time was going yesterday. Zoom, zoom, zoom!

Anyway I don't want to spend today talking about the missing day of Tuesday November 29th 2007. It is Wednesday and already this morning I have been laying out my day. Unless an unexpected "divine" appointment shows up I have no one to meet with. Kim Johnson will be here at 5 to do live intercession for the Prayer Center and I am purposing to make time to enter into that. It means getting home a little later but I anticipate that it will be the highlight of my day. Between now and then I have much to do. I have it in my mind to pace myself. I want to "TAKE" time to gaze upon His beauty, time to sit at His feet. I am fully aware that wanting to take and taking are two different things. I very well could end up like Paul. Not doing what I want to do and doing what I do not want to do. I heard a saying somewhere that, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." I wonder how much of the pavement on that road is my intentions? Intentions... If I could count on intentions the Prayer Center would be 24/7/365 right now. If intentions were actions we would have live worship more than 50% of the time. If I could take intentions to the bank.............. I'll stop there. Intentions?

More Just Thoughts

Watching all the holiday movies during a time when you're trying to not be reflective is not a good decision. But I do understand why I live my life in pursuit of more. It's all around me. It was early October when I first saw Christmas decorations. I almost zoomed right past Halloween and Thanksgiving. Halloween would not be an issue for me to zoom past. Our family has never been big on celebrating that day. I am so glad I stayed home and that we opened the Prayer Center on Thanksgiving even if it was just for 2 hours. Then movie by movie Christmas crept in. And there was another thing I noticed. All the movies had happy endings. Predictable happy endings. Not happy endings that worked out in the end but people got what they set out to get. That is not the world I experience but it sure is the world I search for.

So many times this weekend I heard people speak of time moving faster. Yes there is the idea that as you get older time moves faster. Where does that come from? Twenty four hours is twenty four hours regardless of my age... isn't it? I don't wait to enjoy one day before I'm pursuing the idea of the next. What will tomorrow hold? What will God do? Will it be filled with joy or challenge. Here I am on thanksgiving day watching Christmas movies. ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! By Sunday afternoon I was anticipating the completion of 2007 and a new year, a better year of course.

The idea that everything every moment is leading to a better one is flawed. I know that eternity awaits me but being hear on earth is my now. If today is good isn't there the potential for tomorrow to be better? And if tomorrow has the potential to be better then the next day could be great. Years ago I wrote a marketing strategy for some friends called, "There Must Be A Better Way." The whole campaign revolved around showing people that what they were doing and what they had was not what could be. It worked and turned out to be financially rewarding for the people I created it for. But not everyone shared in the success. Is there a better way for some and not for others? I believe that may be true in this world.

But as a Christians I am told that my ways are not His ways. Since all things come from God including words then There Must Be A Better Way. His way or my way? John Maxwell says make your decisions early and then manage them the rest of your life. I am learning day by day, step by step and moment by moment how to manage my decisions.

More Just Thoughts

It is on this day each year that I begin the process of self evaluation. Looking back over the year and seeing, not so much how well I have done but where I'm at. I guess it's looking for the significance of having lived another year. From Thanksgiving to New Years in some respects is all about me and about now. I can't tell you how this form and function began or why I continue to do it. I used to look forward to it, but this year I am not. No particular reason that I can identify, but an uneasiness that began to settle in last night.

Some of it may be that Ann Marie is going away for a week beginning next Friday. It's strange but there is an emptiness and I miss her more before she is gone than the actual time she's gone. Could be a control issue? Having to let her go for someone else's benefit other than mine. I also know she needs these little get aways for herself and maybe that's another part of it. Why does she need them? Am I not providing all that she needs? Control? Fear of her being away or fear that she may not return?

There is also the mini evaluation that I just did a few weeks ago. I realize that it was just one small portion of my life but... it was less than flattering. Will I find more of my life to be the same? I admit that I have high standards when it comes to me. I constantly feel that I could have and should have done better in so many areas and especially when it comes to pursuing God. And it's not about the works.

This is what came to me yesterday as Ann Marie and I were being thankful for the ability to do nothing. Fear! Yes fear. I think I am finally getting the Outer Collapse - Inner Strength thing. My outer collapses take place because fear is greater than my inner strength. And yet inner strength is not the absence of fear. Inner Strength is the desire or ability to do the thing that fear says you can't. A terrorist who straps a bomb to himself and walks into a crowded place for the purpose of exploding the bomb and killing people, himself included, does not do so without fear. Yet he has a cause or a belief, in something so great that he is able to go beyond the fear and accomplish what he has set out to do. As wrong as his purpose, as deluded as he is in his beliefs he does conquer fear. I would bet that David faced fear all along the way in his encounter with Goliath. But, David's "knowing" was greater than Goliath. David's "knowing" also had to be greater than the fear of the possibility of his own death.

The word says that "to whom much is given, much is expected." As I was giving thanks yesterday for all I have been given, perhaps fear set in that says, I have not met the expectation. Fear that I haven't prayed enough, or long enough? Fear that I haven't been attentive enough and listened enough? Fear that I haven't been obedient enough or humble enough? Fear! Not relying on God enough?

As for Ann Marie, we have had or I should say I have had the opinion that I would go first because I never want to experience a day without her in it. She will leave a week from today but between now and then I have to think about her not being there on that Saturday. There is a fear that something could happen. That fear begins to take hold and it changes things. It puts me on the edge. I know that God is in control of the days that we are to live and when we will die but outside of very brief moments, our everyday lives include each other pretty much 24/7 and so there is come delusion that I can keep her safe.... if she's near me.

Fear is what I see, and what I get, when I take my eyes off my Inner Strength. FEAR is my outer collapse. Inner strength is not the absence of outer collapses or fear. Inner Strength is only visible in the face of fear. One's Inner Strength is the ability to "Be Still and Know." Like David who "knew" as he faced a giant. It's believing in God who is all the while effectually and fervently at work in me more than than the fear that tries to deceive and consume me.

In closing... calling myself a christian is not saying that I do not have any fear. Desiring to be a man after God's own heart does not remove fear. Walking in obedience and righteousness does not mean that I face no fear. I have many fears... but much of the time I have a belief about God, a trust in God, a commitment to God that is greater than the fear. No amount of self evaluation is going to eliminate fear. So I think I'll try another way to get past the fear of not evaluating myself and the fear that I may not have met the expectations of God and people. How about if I just accept the fact that I have not met all the preconceived expectations? What about just being thankful for the one's I have met because of a man called Jesus.

More Just Thoughts

I could as planned expand upon Exodus 23 but I believe I am led instead to Psalm 127. I hope to go back to Exodus. I am so hesitant to take a single passage from Old Testament days and try to live it out as a truth in today's world. Yet on the other hand... all scripture is given by the inspiration of God and for the purpose of training, correction, reproof, etc., etc.. Last night during our closing session Psalm 127 came to me. As I found it and read it for someone else the words lingered in my mind through-out the night and into this morning.

Psalm 127 is one of only two Psalms thought to be written by Solomon. The other Psalm is 72 and I think I'll take a look at that Psalm as well, possibly on Friday.

There are two parts to Psalm 127 and both fit within what I have been processing through in the blogs. Outer collapses, inner strength, humility. Part one of this Psalm is the vanity of doing anything outside of God. As though I could. Don't get me wrong, I can do a lot of things, but to what end? Lack of humility! Part two is the celebration of the value of doing only those things in which God is glorified. Nothing but humility.

So let's look at Psalm 127

1 EXCEPT THE Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; except the Lord keeps the city, the watchman wakes but in vain.
2 It is vain for you to rise up early, to take rest late, to eat the bread of [anxious] toil--for He gives [blessings] to His beloved in sleep.

Except the Lord builds the house says, a life lived separate from God. The word house in several other verses is broken down to mean or include a family, home, or business. We all know families that are not built around God. We all know individuals that are trying to live lives outside of God. And we all know how ell that is working for them. This theme fits with Solomon. On many occasions he says that to build anything in and of ourselves is worthless, that it's useless, that it's just vanity to even think that we could. Personally Ann Marie and I have built a lot of things that we thought were God. Truth is that some were and some weren't. I'd like to stay away from making those same mistakes again. I don't need a bigger or better Prayer Room to do what God has stirred my heart to do. I don't need a better address to get people to come to Onething. But this thing God is doing is bigger than Onething Prayer Center. It currently involves 5 churches and over 30 ministries and that's just what these human eyes can see. And../ there is that word we received a month ago that said, "churches would step up and come alongside Onething in December and finances would become a non issue." The move opens the door for another church that desires to come along side of us. The move opens the door for us to increase our rental revenue to the place where Ann Marie and I can receive some amount of income.

Except the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it. I have no desire to be one laboring in vain. Too much of that has already taken time and energy from me. Too much of that has stolen God's glory. That brings me back to the word I felt a few days ago. ENOUGH! I don't mean enough space or growth or building. I mean enough me!

Just Thoughts!

I tossed and turned last night as I weighed the options for Onething Prayer Center and for Ann Marie and I. Onething is located in a strip mall. We are tucked away behind some businesses in a courtyard that most people don't even know exists. It was what was available at the time and it has served us well in spite of no signage or front exposure. This past week a prime front location has become available so we are weighing all the possibilities. All open doors are not God. As I opened the word this morning I thought I was going to build upon my closing from Yesterday which was a single word "ENOUGH." I put in the word enough to do a search and this was what I got.

Exodus 23:29-30 I will not drive them out from before you in one year, lest the land become desolate and the beasts of the field become too numerous for you. 30 Little by little I will drive them out from before you, until you have increased, and you inherit the land.

Okay I have been writing that you don't take a verse and make it fit your situation but what am I to do with this...... call it coincidence? Our vision has been to eventually have the entire west end of this mall filled with ministry and Christian businesses or services. Am I facing step two of that process? Coincidence or encouragement to proceed according to God's plan and timing?

I must be true to my words about a verse to make a case for my circumstances. I must read and see the bigger picture around these verses. And I think for today I'll just read it and save comments for tomorrow should God allow.

Exodus 23:20 “Behold, I send an Angel before you to keep you in the way and to bring you into the place which I have prepared. 21 Beware of Him and obey His voice; do not provoke Him, for He will not pardon your transgressions; for My name is in Him. 22 But if you indeed obey His voice and do all that I speak, then I will be an enemy to your enemies and an adversary to your adversaries. 23 For My Angel will go before you and bring you in to the Amorites and the Hittites and the Perizzites and the Canaanites and the Hivites and the Jebusites; and I will cut them off. 24 You shall not bow down to their gods, nor serve them, nor do according to their works; but you shall utterly overthrow them and completely break down their sacred pillars. 25 “So you shall serve the LORD your God, and He will bless your bread and your water. And I will take sickness away from the midst of you. 26 No one shall suffer miscarriage or be barren in your land; I will fulfill the number of your days. 27 “I will send My fear before you, I will cause confusion among all the people to whom you come, and will make all your enemies turn their backs to you. 28 And I will send hornets before you, which shall drive out the Hivite, the Canaanite, and the Hittite from before you. 29 I will not drive them out from before you in one year, lest the land become desolate and the beasts of the field become too numerous for you. 30 Little by little I will drive them out from before you, until you have increased, and you inherit the land. 31 And I will set your bounds from the Red Sea to the sea, Philistia, and from the desert to the River.[b] For I will deliver the inhabitants of the land into your hand, and you shall drive them out before you. 32 You shall make no covenant with them, nor with their gods. 33 They shall not dwell in your land, lest they make you sin against Me. For if you serve their gods, it will surely be a snare to you.”

Outer Collapse - Inner Strength - Finale

Isaiah 54:1-6 "Sing, barren woman, who has never had a baby. Fill the air with song, you who've never experienced childbirth! You're ending up with far more children than all those childbearing women." God says so!" Clear lots of ground for your tents! Make your tents large. Spread out! Think big! Use plenty of rope, drive the tent pegs deep.You're going to need lots of elbow room for your growing family.You're going to take over whole nations; you're going to resettle abandoned cities.

This weekend at the Prayer Center God brought children for us to mother and father. Out of the clear blue they came for comfort, wisdom, direction and prayer. I say children but most were the twenty somethings. Some had painful issues and serious questions. Others were wounded by church and people. God gave them a place in the Prayer room. We didn't give birth to any of them. If not for the grace of God and His faithfulness we would not even know them.

Don't be afraid—you're not going to be embarrassed. Don't hold back—you're not going to come up short.

This says to me that I must see with spiritual eyes and not be distracted by the seemingly outer collapses. Where there is fear there is no faith. Without faith it is impossible to please God. If I view my life as the world views it I will be embarrassed most of the time, especially right now. If I judge what I have by the worlds standards then I have and will continue to come up short. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways and should expect nothing from the Lord. Double minded! One moment in the things of God and the next distracted by the things of the world. One moment humble and the next wanting significance. The boundaries are subtle. Deception is but a thought away. It comes from the outside and tries to enter in. God is "in" and pushes out.

You'll forget all about the humiliations of your youth, and the indignities of being a widow will fade from memory. For your Maker is your bridegroom, his name, God-of-the-Angel-Armies!Your Redeemer is The Holy of Israel, known as God of the whole earth.

Inner strength is knowing that my Maker is my bridegroom. He is God of the Angel Armies! The one who has redeemed me is the God of the whole earth. We must know who we are in Christ. It appears as though I have let former humiliations and indignities creep in and distract me from who I am in Christ. ENOUGH!

Outer Collapse - Inner Strength Part 16

This idea that my inner strength cannot sustain is not due to a lack of it. It's due to distractions. That's to say that my inner strength is not absent it is simply distracted. Outer collapses become the focus and the inner strength takes a back seat to them. The outer collapses become more real than the inner spirit that lives within me. The soul portion of me takes a position of authority. How do I know that? Because there are plenty of times when the distractions don't take control. There are many times when my spirit takes authority and I am able to move through and past the distraction.

I hate feeling nauseated. I don't get it very often but when I do I am miserable. Why? Because my physical body takes control. It gets my mind will and emotions to come along side of it and my entire attention is consumed with nausea. My spirit and what it has to say is not even a consideration at the time. As Jesus healed blind men He told them to do something afterward. They had to take their eyes off what had always been and focus on what now was.

I have thought long and hard on this thought. My outer collapses are usually the result of some action, some decision, some words that I spoke at an earlier time that now have consequences that I had not anticipated. I am fairly well convinced that, that happens because of the pace at which I move and ultimately the inner reason for my quick movements.

I have shared about our housing situation before. We had looked and looked and found the house we wanted to build. The process was well under way and we were to sign some papers to finalize the deal. The plan was to pay cash for this house and have no mortgage payment. A dream come true. On that day that we were to sign, someone we respected spoke the words that we should live elsewhere as we were those kind of people. Before you know it we were driving to the suggested place prior to going to our other meeting. We bought a home in that place. But, not debt free. We had to take a small mortgage. Small but still a mortgage. We cancelled the other deal and set out to live happily ever after. Three years later we are 60 days and monthly on the verge of being 90 days behind in that small mortgage. We moved fast and that mortgage has been the source of many outer collapses over the past year. I am now reliant upon God's mercy and grace. He had told us many, many years ago to be debt free. Why? Because the borrower is servant to the lender. I may now have to abandon what I believe God has put before me to go and get a job so that we don't break our word with the mortgage company. I am a servant to that mortgage company. I may be disqualified for this season from doing the God thing I desire. Ann Marie may be disqualified as well as she may have to find a job as well. God's mercy and grace can and may supply another way? But we would not be in this position if I would have calmed and quieted myself. I must also tell you that there was some pride in the decision as well. I didn't check my heart for haughty or lofty. It didn't matter in the heat of the moment.

I know that in the long run God has not deserted us and that the error of my ways will work for His good. But.... in the mean time I am having to fight an outer collapse. Slowing life down is not easy in the western world. To know that almost any item I purchase is already out of date is fast paced. And it seems to be getting faster. Yet in everything concerning God and my relationship with Him it seems that I am still being directed to calm and quite myself.

LORD, my heart is not haughty, Nor my eyes lofty. Neither do I concern myself with great matters, Nor with things too profound for me. That will only become truth through a calmed and quieted my soul,

Outer Collapse - Inner Strength Part 16

I have and will continue my soap box stand against taking a single verse and making it fit my circumstances. Psalm 131 is no different. I must read on and get the full context of what was being spoken.

LORD, my heart is not haughty, Nor my eyes lofty. Neither do I concern myself with great matters, Nor with things too profound for me.

This is a statement of humility. This does not mean that David did not struggle at times with pride and arrogance. But his heart was searching for humility and often it was God's grace that it was reality in his life. But there is more to Davids words.

Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul,

This sure sounds once again like "Be still and know." Calmed and quieted my soul. Did you get what David said? Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul. He's not asking God to do it. We often ask God to do what has been ordained for us to do. God will not force Himself on people so He can not calm us or quiet us. We will need focus, purpose, commitment. Some days I really struggle with getting my soul to calm and quiet. I'm not able to turn it off and on like a light switch. Even the things of God often keep me from being calm and quiet. Davids words here are saying, "I trust you God." I will have to put those things which seem to concern me out of sight. I will have to settle for not understanding every detail of my life. I will need to be satisfied with today.

Like a weaned child with his mother; Like a weaned child is my soul within me.

David paints a vivid picture for me to understand.

Next David issues a call for hope. Not a hope for position, or power, or money but a hope in the Lord. David is not being presumptuous to tell God what he expects. He has a hope in the Lord that whatever God is going to do will surpass anything he could concern himself with.

O Israel, hope in the LORD From this time forth and forever.

I believe that Humility is why David had the failures and the successes that he did. SELAH! (Pause and think on that.)

A very dear friend by the name of Kim Johnson, sent her newsletter last week and it was confirmation for me that God was in deed dealing with some issues in my life. I am going to share the second half of her newsletter as she does an excellent job of expressing my feelings.

Quieting and calming our soul takes discipline. Think about a baby who is being weaned from his mother. This process usually is not an easy one. This child will learn to drink for himself and then eventually eat solid food, first with assistance then on his own. No longer is mom the one who supplies every bit of nutrition for him. Mom becomes a source of love, guidance and acceptance now. This child can rest comfortably and peacefully in his mother's arms and enjoy her presence. In this place of embrace, he gains acceptance, love and security. In return, the mother takes great joy in pouring out love to her young one and teaching him from this place of contentment.

The Lord longs for us to come to Him with a quieted soul. He wants to fellowship with us and not just be our provider. He longs for us to enjoy His presence and place our hope in Him all of our days. It is the simplicity of drawing from His presence that revelation is born. It's not from studying and studying for hours to find something that no one else has ever seen. Successful Christianity is when we are consumed with knowing our God and pursuing a relationship with Him. Seeking first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness is what we are called to do. The rest of our life falls into place from our relationship with him.

If you can identify with this struggle, I encourage you to seek the Lord on this matter. Here is my prayer to the Lord, use it if you like, but pray your heart, not mine:

Lord, forgive me for seeking acceptance from man. In You, Lord, I am satisfied. In You I find acceptance. As Your vessel, open my mouth to speak forth the message You desire to be released through my life. Let me not add or take away from Your Word. I want to rest upon You and see You as my love and provider. Awaken my heart to this understanding. Let my hope be in You and You alone. Let my soul be calmed and quited within me. In Jesus' Name I pray, amen.

Outer Collapse - Inner Strength Part 15

"This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word.

I have been taught my entire life how to play the game of life. I have learned how to get the favor and recognition of people. Many have contributed to my ability. Good grades, trophies, awards, clothing, all have given me some degree of acceptance. I have been trying to please someone most of my life. Perhaps better said, I have been trying to find acceptance from people most of my life. I just told someone this week that there were many things I did not do as a teenager because I did not want to disappoint my parents, teachers, pastor, etc.. As an adult, I have struggled with this idea of playing the game or being politically correct, whether it's in the workplace, ministry or even church. But it has not been beyond me to use it when I needed to get something or somewhere in life. My whole life there has been someone trying to teach me that I must be concerned with the opinions of man.

This is a war that wages between my soul and my spirit and it gets overwhelming at times. My soul comes alive when I strive to make my own way and impress people. My spirit stirs within me when I purpose to build relationship with God. And today with a book, Cd, DVD, or conference available at every turn I can quickly become confused with the conflicting methods, programs or theology. Will God really esteem me if I don't do something memorable for Him? A humble and contrite spirit seems to be at odds with all I've been taught, and all I see for that matter. Those that have great accomplishments seem to take center stage in the Christian world. If you don't have a dynamic story or some incredible experience to share you are passed over as though you are insignificant to those in the "know" and to God.

If I get brutally honest with myself I'd have to say that for most of my life I have been looking for an exclusive revelation that would make people stand back and say WOW. I can only speak for myself but I want to be remembered. If people quote me and recognize me for my contributions to life that would be satisfying. When given the opportunity I readily share about any number of accomplishments that I consider to be measurable contributions to God and people's lives. I have sought for significance.

All the while my spirit tells me over and over that I am searching in the wrong places and for the wrong thing. "THIS IS THE ONE I ESTEEM" says the Lord. The one who will surrender everything: knowledge, personal agendas, position, possessions, etc. A person simple and plain, reverently responsive to what I say. He desires a person who is not peripheral to the world. He desires a person who has made the world and it's self fulfilling desires peripheral to His heart, His ways, His will. In the middle of all my mistakes God desires a heart that diligently seeks Him. A heart that reverently responds to Him and not the pleasing of people.

"This is the one I esteem." The one who's heart is not haughty, or eyes lofty
"This is the one I esteem." The one who does not concern themselves with great matters, or with things too profound for themselves.

It's time to end as the music just began playing a song called "All I want to do is love You. All I want to do is touch Your heart. Let me see Your face. Let me feel Your embrace.

Outer Collapse - Inner Strength Part 14

Okay, back to Isaiah 66:1-2 the word that confirmed for Ann Marie and I Onething Prayer Center.

Thus says the LORD: “Heaven is My throne, And earth is My footstool. Where is the house that you will build Me? And where is the place of My rest? 2 For all those things My hand has made, And all those things exist,” Says the LORD.

I knew that God had no need for a man-made temple. After all He has all of heaven and all of earth. But "The Place of My Rest" which refers to the temple is what I/we were convinced that God desired for us to create. He was very specific, that it was to be according to His plan and not my talents, gifts, ability or knowledge. In fact He specifically told me to forget all I knew about church, ministry, business and even what I thought I knew about Him. The reason for that has become more apparent over the past year.

“But on this one will I look:

God is always looking for true worshippers. John 4:24 God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.” God is bringing together a remnant of people, a remnant of true worshippers and Onething was and is to be just one of the places that they would come and offer true worship. He would then inhabit the worship and praises of His people. God does not inhabit the four walls of Onething. God is inhabiting the worship and praises of a people and that lingers in the air for hours, days or months. From that there would be signs and wonders that follow. While I see a sprinkling of that I am very much aware that it is a fraction of what God desires. Onething is not a location or a destination. It's a vehicle.

The next words carry a great responsibility with them if the above is assumed to be true for myself. Again I am aware that it is not in my own strength and I must surrender to do my part so God will do His part.

On him who is poor and of a contrite spirit, And who trembles at My word.

Contrite spirit and trembles at My word are saying the same thing as John 4:24 God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.” The Message says it this way, "But there is something I'm looking for: a person simple and plain, reverently responsive to what I say." Several translations use the word humble. HUMBLE! SIMPLE, PLAIN, REVERENT. No wonder God told me to forget everything I knew about church, ministry, business, and Him. It is my opinion that "True" humility is hard to find today. As for tremble at His word? When is the last time that happened?

Outer Collapse - Inner Strength Part 13

Isaiah 54:1-6 "Sing, barren woman, who has never had a baby. Fill the air with song, you who've never experienced childbirth! You're ending up with far more children than all those childbearing women." God says so!" Clear lots of ground for your tents! Make your tents large. Spread out! Think big! Use plenty of rope, drive the tent pegs deep. You're going to need lots of elbow room for your growing family. You're going to take over whole nations; you're going to resettle abandoned cities. Don't be afraid—you're not going to be embarrassed. Don't hold back—you're not going to come up short.

I really don't know about all that. Whole nations........? I also don't really know that Tampa has been abandon. I have met many who have been praying for this area far longer than I. But to some degree I guess you could say that we are resettling. Onething now occupies a space that was abandoned by the world. It was taken out by an FBI raid. When it was first built it was a Christian Bookstore with a reading and prayer room. It has also been a church plant at one time while it was a karate studio. Now we're trying to settle in as a 24/7 prayer center. Fear... sometimes. Embarrassed... by my fears and lack of intimacy with the Father. Hold back... I sometimes wish I had just a little bit. And as for coming up short... not possible with a fully surrendered heart.

I embraced the words from Isaiah 54 and still do but what I have come to know is that my understanding of those words were influenced by my past and my then present. A year later I see more than what I saw then from this passage. Not that I was wrong then or any more right now because what I am seeing and sharing today is from my past and my present. It is limited by my ability to think and comprehend. Sharing is limited by my vocabulary, my ability to form words and express ideas.

My prayers have not been for lots of ground or large tents. My prayers have not been to spread out and think big as the world would view it. But... spread out? Yes, I pray that men and women would be drawn to Onething by God and not programs. That their hunger and thirsting would cause them to search for deep things. That they would experience the presence of God to such a degree that they would be ruined for anything else. That they would take it back to their churches and it would "spread out" there. It's always great to get words from God that seem to be clear and precise. After all that's what I have been writing about for months. What have I been thinking? I have just as clear and precise a word as Elijah. “Get away from here and turn eastward, and hide by the Brook Cherith, which flows into the Jordan.”

Spread out! Think Big! Those words come after "Sing barren woman who has never had a baby. Fill the air with song, you who've never experienced childbirth!" Until I can do that I don't think I need to be concerned with what follows. Let the air be filled with my song using the words from Psalm 131:1 Lord, my heart is not haughty, nor my eyes lofty, neither do I concern myself with great matters, nor with things too profound for me.

Outer Collapse - Inner Strength Part 12

Isaiah 54:1-6 "Sing, barren woman, who has never had a baby. Fill the air with song, you who've never experienced childbirth! You're ending up with far more children than all those childbearing women." God says so! "Clear lots of ground for your tents! Make your tents large. Spread out! Think big! Use plenty of rope, drive the tent pegs deep.

You're going to need lots of elbow room for your growing family.

This is really funny in light of certain events that have just occurred. Our 3200 sq ft has been.... shall I say, a challenge during the past year as funds or lack of, have been one of my outer collapses. Yet today I found myself looking at the space next to us (5 times)which is being vacated today, and wondering how we can move over to it. It would be spreading out and thinking big for sure! It has highway exposure and many, many, other benefits along with another 1100 sq ft. Have I lost my mind? Am I crazy? Next month for the first time, we know that we will take in enough money to pay the rent. That's not everything but it's far more than we have known any other month. Am I really to consider a "larger tent?" Oh, did I mention that there are two prophets who said that our 3200 sq ft was too small. I laughed at them as I have had no desire to undertake any further financial obligations. They spoke of December as a turning point and that finances would no longer be an issue. REALLY?

Our family is growing but, we have plenty of elbow room most of the time. But then again does God have something in mind that I have no clue of? This is like when a man gets the idea he wants a new car. Suddenly everything in the world is going wrong with the current car. I don't want to do that. Our 3200 sq ft is absolutely great and serves us well. There will always be "something better."

My prayer time this weekend will be to determine if the word about elbow room is past, present, or future. Of course immediately I am aware that God is all three. He is past and spoke to us in the past. He is present and may be speaking to us right now about this space. And He may very well be prophesying as to where we are to go in the future. Well it just so happens that I serve in a prayer center. And with that the music playing just said, "Be still and know that He is God." Coincidence? Not likely! I've heard it before on more than one occassion. So with that stillness is the agenda for this weekend.