Outer Collapse - Inner Strength Part 15

"This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word.

I have been taught my entire life how to play the game of life. I have learned how to get the favor and recognition of people. Many have contributed to my ability. Good grades, trophies, awards, clothing, all have given me some degree of acceptance. I have been trying to please someone most of my life. Perhaps better said, I have been trying to find acceptance from people most of my life. I just told someone this week that there were many things I did not do as a teenager because I did not want to disappoint my parents, teachers, pastor, etc.. As an adult, I have struggled with this idea of playing the game or being politically correct, whether it's in the workplace, ministry or even church. But it has not been beyond me to use it when I needed to get something or somewhere in life. My whole life there has been someone trying to teach me that I must be concerned with the opinions of man.

This is a war that wages between my soul and my spirit and it gets overwhelming at times. My soul comes alive when I strive to make my own way and impress people. My spirit stirs within me when I purpose to build relationship with God. And today with a book, Cd, DVD, or conference available at every turn I can quickly become confused with the conflicting methods, programs or theology. Will God really esteem me if I don't do something memorable for Him? A humble and contrite spirit seems to be at odds with all I've been taught, and all I see for that matter. Those that have great accomplishments seem to take center stage in the Christian world. If you don't have a dynamic story or some incredible experience to share you are passed over as though you are insignificant to those in the "know" and to God.

If I get brutally honest with myself I'd have to say that for most of my life I have been looking for an exclusive revelation that would make people stand back and say WOW. I can only speak for myself but I want to be remembered. If people quote me and recognize me for my contributions to life that would be satisfying. When given the opportunity I readily share about any number of accomplishments that I consider to be measurable contributions to God and people's lives. I have sought for significance.

All the while my spirit tells me over and over that I am searching in the wrong places and for the wrong thing. "THIS IS THE ONE I ESTEEM" says the Lord. The one who will surrender everything: knowledge, personal agendas, position, possessions, etc. A person simple and plain, reverently responsive to what I say. He desires a person who is not peripheral to the world. He desires a person who has made the world and it's self fulfilling desires peripheral to His heart, His ways, His will. In the middle of all my mistakes God desires a heart that diligently seeks Him. A heart that reverently responds to Him and not the pleasing of people.

"This is the one I esteem." The one who's heart is not haughty, or eyes lofty
"This is the one I esteem." The one who does not concern themselves with great matters, or with things too profound for themselves.

It's time to end as the music just began playing a song called "All I want to do is love You. All I want to do is touch Your heart. Let me see Your face. Let me feel Your embrace.