I'd like to find another word other than rebellion and I don't much care for disobedient either. How about challenged? Isn't everybody challenged in some way or another? That would make what I do more average, more every day joe, more like everyone else. Immediately the verse "so live your life in contrast" comes to mind. Contrast to what..... the world of course. I told you that there was more to this than just speeding although that is not trivial (for me). Paul said, "I do the things I don't want to do and I don't do the things I do want to do." I'm in good company.
Even this morning as I drove through the spot, which by the way I had previously determined not to look, I still looked. I did the thing I did not want to do. Right up to the moment I told myself I was not going to look and yet I did. No one else in the car told me to or twisted my arm or moved my head. No one in the car even knew what was going on. I say I did not want to do it but then why did I do it anyway? Choice! It's that simple. I made the choice to look and again see what I could get away with and the result was taking the ramp at 40 miles per hour in a 25 mile per hour speed zone. All the while I was looking at the speedometer, knowing what I was doing and knowing all the while that I had been led by the Spirit to not speed, I proceed anyway.
I dislike inconsistency in others and despise it in myself. Writing this blog does not make matters easier. It may make for some humorous reading to some, but it is troublesome for me. I want the things of God in my life , yet how can I expect them if I won't do what He has directed me to do. I know there is His mercy and I rely upon His grace, but isn't that presumptuous in this situation? I have difficulty with what I think are presumptuous people, and I don't want to be a hypocrite. Integrity is of great importance to me. I have not gotten a ticket in that location so has His mercy and Grace kept me. I do watch for police cars and when I see one I immediately slow down. What's up with that? If I do not speed then why do I look and why slow down if I'm not speeding. After at least 3 years you'd think it would be a habit not to speed. But many times my circumstances and my judgements make room for me to do what I am not to do. I know this is just speeding but how many murderers or robbers never thought they would do what they did. Yet circumstances allowed them the opportunity to do what they thought they would never do. If jail is their risk then a ticket is mine, but that's here on earth. What is at risk in the kingdom for me. For every action there is a corresponding result. I'm not saying I will be disqualified from eternity but I'm not so proud as to say I won't be either. I have always tried to live life where that would not be a question. Error to the side of eternity. I also don't want less than the fullness of God. Many including me have settled for less than God's best or fullness. Those days are past. Or so I thought.......
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