"Recovering" Troubled Believer Part 10

Psalm 77:12 I will also meditate on ALL Your work, AND talk of Your deeds.

I'm not going to just think about it! I'm going to BE grateful! Regardless of what my mind, my will, and my emotions are right now I'm going to talk about Your deeds verses mine. If there is any other way let this cup pass from Me BUT regardless Your will be done. PERIOD Not SELAH. Not pause and think on that but LET IT BE SO.

Your way, O God, is in the sanctuary;

God's way is in the sanctuary.

Sanctuary - A sacred or holy place. The holy of holies of these places of worship.

Immunity afforded by refuge in such a place. any place of refuge; asylum.

If we want God then we must go to where He is. Yes... He's everywhere but that thought comes from our casual way concerning God. Example: there are gas stations on every corner. There are fast food places on every corner. There are churches on every corner. So I casually watch the gage on our gas tank. When the light goes on..... when the light goes on, I begin to notice where I'm at, what stations are nearby and how much further can I go before I have to stop. I have lived days knowing that God is always there and went on about my business and then when the warning light goes on... when the trouble is upon me, I begin to take notice. Jesus woke up long before the sun rose. He then went to a far away place. These actions were done with purpose, commitment and cost. Why? So that He could have purposed, private, prolonged time with His Father. INTIMACY!

God's way is in the sanctuary.

He told us to pray like this. Our Father which is in heaven. hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

How will His kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven if we don't go to the heavenlies? Not LITERALLY but SPIRITUALLY! How do I know what the grand Canyon looks like if I've never been there. Yes, I can see a picture but I can only imagine what it looks like from the picture. But...... if I go there I see the real thing in all its fullness. A picture is just a glimpse and my life for the most part has been to settle for just a glimpse of His kingdom and my Father.

God's way is in the sanctuary. God's way is in the holy place. Ed's way to God is in the holy place. Ed is afforded immunity, refuge, sanctuary in the holy place of God. So why don't I seek that place more often? Why don't I dwell there a little longer? SELAH! (pause and think on that.)

Troubled Believer Part 9

Psalm 77:10 Surely I will remember Your wonders of old. I will also meditate on all Your work, and talk of Your deeds.

I understand this place. there are seasons where it seems like all I have are memories. It is often said that you don't miss what you have until it's gone. Since God occupies al space and time it can not be that He is gone. So it must be me that takes a leave of abscense. At these moments of trouble I surrended what I know or am supposed to know. What I am experiencing right then is not lining up. Memories are great but they are nothing like the real thing. I can remember a hug and kiss from Ann Marie but the memories pale in comparison to the real thing. Memories are better than nothing. there is some comfort to me to meditate on how good, how kind and how faithful God has been to me in the past. If He did this once then maybe He can do this now.

As part of this journey into the nature of God I am aware that while God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow in His nature He is completely unpredictable in what He does. There is the sovereignty of God. While I believe I can get some understanding of His nature I doubt that I can ever understand His sovereignty. How is one person set free from drugs or alcohol instantly and another struggles? How is one healed on the spot and another eventually dies? His nature and His sovereignty seem to be opposites. This makes the quality of the relationship between us critical. As I am writing I am reminded again, "Be still and KNOW."

KNOW - to have established or fixed in the mind or memory: to understand from experience

Know what? His nature. That He loved me before the foundation of the earth. That He desires me. That His nature is goodness and kindness. That His grace is sufficient for whatever I need. When I KNOW these things.... when I have fixed in my mind and my memory these things.... when I understand from experience these things..... I will be able to trust, Him. Trust Him with the one that is not instantly delivered or healed. Trust Him when my soul refuses to be comforted. Trust Him when my mind, will and emotions are stirred up to the point of what feels like death.

AND TALK OF YOUR DEEDS! SELAH (Pause and think on that.)

Troubled Believer Part 8

SELAH! Pause and think on that.

As I spent the weekend thinking on that... (Psalm 77) God brought more to the whole idea of a troubled believer. For instance when Jesus was in the garden. Matthew 26:37 And He took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee (James and John) and He began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed. Jesus becomes sorrowful and distressed. The Psalmist cried out to God with his voice - to God with his voice. In the day of his trouble he sought the Lord. He remembered God and was troubled.

These three men saw the sorrow and distress on Jesus. There was a noticeable change. The countenance of Jesus face was changing as He became troubled. My initial reaction was that the trouble Jesus faced was incredible, but.... honestly at the time of my trouble it sure felt like it would be my death as well. I could say that Jesus was literally facing death and my trouble is less than that.......... but.................. this journey of pursuing the nature of God is leading me to believe that the size of the trouble and for that matter, the cause of the trouble is not relevent. The nature of God is the same yesterday, today and forever. His love, His goodness, His kindness is always the same. So for me.... there is a more important truth lingering here which I'm moving toward. And may I add, not by my own choice, but it is God drawing me.

In verse 38 Jesus says, "My soul (mind, will and emotion) are exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me." I've read this before but never did it occur to me that Jesus told the three that were with Him that His soul was exceedingly sorrowful, to the point that He thought His sorrow would kill Him. But then, He does something that is usually missing from my conversations as I share my trouble. "Stay here and watch with Me." Watch literally means stay awake. Jesus says "stay here and stay awake with Me." I have shared with people and asked them to agree with me or stand with me. But then for whatever reason I don't pray, they don't pray and truthfully they never ask me about it again unless I bring it up. I'm not sure what I am expecting from them but something verses nothing seems reasonable? And as I write this I become increasingly aware that I have probably done that to others. God forgive me. Based on Jesus words in verse 40 He to expected something different than what these three hand selected men did as well. He says, "What? Could you not watch with me one hour?"

Jesus I wish I could but it was a late night and I'm just so tired. OK Ed, enough sarcasm.

Verse 39 He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying. SELAH I see a pattern in Jesus life. When He wanted time with His father he would separate Himself from every possible distraction. He went a little further away from the crowds. He got up long before the sun and other people. He even went a little further away from the three... which, He had invited to come with Him and asked them to watch with Him. I probably would have taken an offense here. Perhaps even grumbled just a bit. Maybe something like, "I don't know about you guys but why did He bring us out here if He was going leave us and go somewhere else?" "Might as well catch a nap. Who knows how long this is going to take." Sorry I'm just thinking out loud what I might have said or done in this situation. Often as I walk through the word and place myself into the story I get some understanding as to what I can take away from the written words.

Back to the rest of verse 39 "Oh My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; never the less, not as I will (not my desire), but as You will (your desire)." I do not really care why or what at this moment but, Jesus is crying out to His Father and asking, "if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me." In my understanding and it is limited, Jesus is a troubled believer and that's OK. In fact for me it's hope! It's comfort! It's encouraging to know that the trouble I'm experiencing... (regardless of the why or what!!) Jesus experienced as well. The discomfort of being troubled is no stranger to Jesus. And..... IT IS OK for me to ask God if there is another way. To question what appears to be certain death for me. But all the while surrendering my desires for His desires.

Now all that being said..... Jesus trouble was not in the certain death that He knew was soon to come. His trouble was not the shortness of His life or ministry time here on earth. It wasn't the three who couldn't watch with Him for one hour. It was knowing that in the very near future there would be a brief period of time where He would experience separation from His Father.

Perhaps it is that during my troubles I am feeling the separation from My Father. I have always dwelt upon what I perceived as the trouble or source of the trouble. If in the past that has not been the case it is certainly moving in that direction today. My focus is changing. My pursuit of the nature of God is causing me to BE different. Notice I did not say to do something different. The only thing I am doing is pursuing BEING. Once again I say, As I get a deeper revelation of the relationship that the Father desires with me, my doing, my response will take care of itself. SELAH!

Troubled Believer Weekend Review

So what did I learn this week? First off, no matter how much grumbling, complaining, whinning, etc. I do it does not make my trouble go away. Further more it tends to make others troubled as well. I'm not even sure it makes me feel better as I have noticed that I don't tell just one person I tell anyone who will listen. If telling one was making it better I'd stop there, but I don't.

Just for the sake of my rememberence I'm going to review what I think I've learned.

Verses one, two and three are about crying out to God.

Verses four, five and six are about doubting God.

Verses seven, eight and nine are about questioning God.

Verses ten, eleven and twelve are about God's goodness.

I think that's the short version of a process this psalmist and I have shared. I think as well that we have kindred souls as his mind, will and emotions are a lot like mine. I only hope our spirits will show to be alike as well. Have a blessed week in the Lord!

Troubled Believer Part 7

Psalm 77: 10 And I said, "This is my anguish; But I will remember the years of the right hand of the Most High."

Mark this verse. This is my anguish. God has not given me this anguish, it's mine. God has not turned from me, I have turned from Him. His mercy has not ceased. His promise has not failed. His graciousness has not come to an end. And he is not angry with me. My anguish is because I have been distracted from Him. I have forgotten but now my spirit has brought to my remembrance the years of the right hand of the Most High.

Psalm 77:11 I will remember the works of the Lord; Surely I will remember Your wonders of old.

I am seeing a change in the Psalmist just as there has been in me many, many times as I have moved from my mind, my will and my emotions to the things my spirit searches for and brings to my remembrance. The works of the Lord. The wonders of God. SELAH! ( Pause and think on that.)

Today is the National Day of Prayer and while every day should be a national day of prayer it's currently not in the American culture. But let's take time today and selah on the works of the Lord and wonders of God. The Psalmist did and it changed him. I can always use a change toward God.

Troubled Believer Part 6

Psalm 77:7, 8, 9 Will the Lord cast off forever? And will He be favorable no more? Has His mercy ceased forever? Has His promise failed forevermore? Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has His anger shut up His tender mercies?

The song in the night that the Psalmist remembers causes him to meditate in his heart and stirs his spirit to diligently search but it obviously does not change the situation on the spot. It does not remove the trouble or even bring the anguish to an end at that exact moment. In other wards he didn't take a pill and all is well. He didn't just quote a verse and make all the trouble go away. Many think that's the life I live and they are oh so wrong. I quote the verse to start the process. I find myself living from my soul, the mind, the will, the emotions and I speak the word to redirect my focus to my heart and to my spirit. I can't live this God life in and of myself so I bring the word to the trouble I bring life (the word) into it. This Psalmist is not experiencing life. He's on a downward spiral. For the past three months during the final days of the month I lived in that place. This month I refused to allow my soul to go there. I chose to remember the song in the night before the night came. I chose to remember God's mercy and His promise and His favor and that He desires me before the trouble came that said otherwise. God is not angry with me and God would never cast me off or throw me away. God's nature is to be gracious. God can not be or do anything other than be gracious.

Still crying out with his voice, "WILL THE LORD CAST OFF FOREVER? Cast off means throw off or away. He's asking God if He's thrown him away forever. God when will you do something? When will my anguish be over? The cry of this Psalmist is so deep that He is in fear that it's going to last forever. I know from experience that this man must be hurting deeply to think God is throwing him away.

AND WILL HE BE FAVORABLE NO MORE? God I recognize what You have done for me in the days of old and the ancient years but what about today? What about now?

HAS HIS MERCY CEASED FOREVER? God it may be that You're throwing me away. It may be that You're favor on my life is being removed. But what about Your mercy? In the past you have taken me in and given me favor and when that wasn't enough you gave me mercy. Is that gone as well?

HAS GOD FORGOTTEN TO BE GRACIOUS? GOD!!!! PLEASE.... DO SOMETHING! It's somewhere in this area that I begin to ask "How could God be a loving caring God and allow me to suffer like this?" ?How could God allow 33 people to die on a college campus?" What did they do or more importantly what have I done to deserve this torture?

HAS HE IN ANGER SHUT UP HIS TENDER MERCIES? Back to mercy!

Here's the thing about all this thus far. In verses 1-9 there are 20 references to I, me, etc. and 12 to God. It is all about the Psalmist and it's all about now for the Psalmist. Without knowing more about the lifestyle of this man and what his everyday relationship with God is we can't really make any comments about where the trouble comes from. So I can only reference my life and my troubles. I have moved past (much of the time) trying to determine what is good and what is bad in my life. That helps me not have to ask some of the questions which are trouble in and of themselves. I am learning to live in the idea that everything is God's grace. Everyday is a day of grace. There are no good days and there are no bad days just days of grace. Now here's a key to being able to live there. Sometimes the grace allows me to enjoy and sometimes the grace allows me to endure. SELAH (pause and think on that.)

Troubled Believer Part 5

Psalm 77:5 I have considered the days of old, the years of ancient times.

The psalmist is searching from past experience to see if he can find any rest, any insight as to what he may have faced in the past that compares to this and how did he got though it. He considers the recent events of his life and appears to find no comfort. He then considers farther back, years back. It's during those times that I'm asking myself, "what have I done wrong, how did I get in this place?" At this time it's all about me and it's all about now. I'm tired, I'm anguished and I just want this to be over. I need some answers.

Psalm 77:6 I call to remembrance my song in the night; I meditate within my heart, and my spirit makes diligent search.

I picture that the Psalmist is weary. In his consideration of days of old and the years of ancient times he must have found times when he was troubled to some degree and remembered songs that brought him comfort. I do that often. I have such a love for music and the word put to music that I often find myself just humming. No particular song just verses that I guess are stirring in my spirit. It is comforting and causes my mind to recall the words which for me are the word and thus bring life to my flesh and health to my bones.

At the prayer center we use antiphonal singing or spontaneous singing. The music is specific in that it is relational. It is to God and not about God. It is personal and intimate. We refer to it as a singing seminary. In my past I would turn my attention to singing the word, but it would be after becoming the troubled believer. These days I am learning to dwell in a place of antiphonal singing and often find myself humming while doing most anything. Recently, while talking with someone they thought they heard a cell phone vibrating only finding out that it was me humming. I was not even aware of it at the time. It was like getting an A on my report card.

I meditate in my heart is a very important line in this Psalm. The word says that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Remember verse 3, "I complained and my spirit was overwhelmed?" His mind, was speaking trouble and it was overwhelming his spirit. Now he's digging deeper than his mind and his thoughts and going to the depths of his inner being. This is a seed. The songs he remembered singing in the night moved him. The tide is beginning to change ever so slightly. And his spirit is making diligent search. Search where? Search for what? For me it would be for the God that I have known. His nature. His charactor. And as for where? For it is God who is all the while at work IN ME. Energizing and creating in me both the will and desire to do His good work. (Philippians 2:13 Amp.)

Verse 6 is critical to the Psalmist life. It's been critical in my life. He is in despair. I have been in despair. He remembers his song in the nights past, an ever so slight ray of light comes and turns his attention inward and for maybe a fraction of a second he is able to forget the outward trouble. The spirit within him is now searching. In my remembering the song in my nights past, an ever so slight moment of opportunity is released for the spirit that lives within me to do what only He can do. That fraction of a moment while I remember my song in the night is enough for my spirit to begin searching for a way through this trouble. Life, again becomes an option. Peace, while fleeting may be once again possible.

I call to remembrance my song in the night.

I meditate within my spirit.

And

my spirit makes diligent search.

The Pslamist and I are on the same journey. We are coming to the same conclusion. We are coming to the end of ourselves.