Troubled Believer Part 9

Psalm 77:10 Surely I will remember Your wonders of old. I will also meditate on all Your work, and talk of Your deeds.

I understand this place. there are seasons where it seems like all I have are memories. It is often said that you don't miss what you have until it's gone. Since God occupies al space and time it can not be that He is gone. So it must be me that takes a leave of abscense. At these moments of trouble I surrended what I know or am supposed to know. What I am experiencing right then is not lining up. Memories are great but they are nothing like the real thing. I can remember a hug and kiss from Ann Marie but the memories pale in comparison to the real thing. Memories are better than nothing. there is some comfort to me to meditate on how good, how kind and how faithful God has been to me in the past. If He did this once then maybe He can do this now.

As part of this journey into the nature of God I am aware that while God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow in His nature He is completely unpredictable in what He does. There is the sovereignty of God. While I believe I can get some understanding of His nature I doubt that I can ever understand His sovereignty. How is one person set free from drugs or alcohol instantly and another struggles? How is one healed on the spot and another eventually dies? His nature and His sovereignty seem to be opposites. This makes the quality of the relationship between us critical. As I am writing I am reminded again, "Be still and KNOW."

KNOW - to have established or fixed in the mind or memory: to understand from experience

Know what? His nature. That He loved me before the foundation of the earth. That He desires me. That His nature is goodness and kindness. That His grace is sufficient for whatever I need. When I KNOW these things.... when I have fixed in my mind and my memory these things.... when I understand from experience these things..... I will be able to trust, Him. Trust Him with the one that is not instantly delivered or healed. Trust Him when my soul refuses to be comforted. Trust Him when my mind, will and emotions are stirred up to the point of what feels like death.

AND TALK OF YOUR DEEDS! SELAH (Pause and think on that.)