Troubled Believer Part 5

Psalm 77:5 I have considered the days of old, the years of ancient times.

The psalmist is searching from past experience to see if he can find any rest, any insight as to what he may have faced in the past that compares to this and how did he got though it. He considers the recent events of his life and appears to find no comfort. He then considers farther back, years back. It's during those times that I'm asking myself, "what have I done wrong, how did I get in this place?" At this time it's all about me and it's all about now. I'm tired, I'm anguished and I just want this to be over. I need some answers.

Psalm 77:6 I call to remembrance my song in the night; I meditate within my heart, and my spirit makes diligent search.

I picture that the Psalmist is weary. In his consideration of days of old and the years of ancient times he must have found times when he was troubled to some degree and remembered songs that brought him comfort. I do that often. I have such a love for music and the word put to music that I often find myself just humming. No particular song just verses that I guess are stirring in my spirit. It is comforting and causes my mind to recall the words which for me are the word and thus bring life to my flesh and health to my bones.

At the prayer center we use antiphonal singing or spontaneous singing. The music is specific in that it is relational. It is to God and not about God. It is personal and intimate. We refer to it as a singing seminary. In my past I would turn my attention to singing the word, but it would be after becoming the troubled believer. These days I am learning to dwell in a place of antiphonal singing and often find myself humming while doing most anything. Recently, while talking with someone they thought they heard a cell phone vibrating only finding out that it was me humming. I was not even aware of it at the time. It was like getting an A on my report card.

I meditate in my heart is a very important line in this Psalm. The word says that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Remember verse 3, "I complained and my spirit was overwhelmed?" His mind, was speaking trouble and it was overwhelming his spirit. Now he's digging deeper than his mind and his thoughts and going to the depths of his inner being. This is a seed. The songs he remembered singing in the night moved him. The tide is beginning to change ever so slightly. And his spirit is making diligent search. Search where? Search for what? For me it would be for the God that I have known. His nature. His charactor. And as for where? For it is God who is all the while at work IN ME. Energizing and creating in me both the will and desire to do His good work. (Philippians 2:13 Amp.)

Verse 6 is critical to the Psalmist life. It's been critical in my life. He is in despair. I have been in despair. He remembers his song in the nights past, an ever so slight ray of light comes and turns his attention inward and for maybe a fraction of a second he is able to forget the outward trouble. The spirit within him is now searching. In my remembering the song in my nights past, an ever so slight moment of opportunity is released for the spirit that lives within me to do what only He can do. That fraction of a moment while I remember my song in the night is enough for my spirit to begin searching for a way through this trouble. Life, again becomes an option. Peace, while fleeting may be once again possible.

I call to remembrance my song in the night.

I meditate within my spirit.

And

my spirit makes diligent search.

The Pslamist and I are on the same journey. We are coming to the same conclusion. We are coming to the end of ourselves.