More Just Thoughts

Tuesday..... ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Guilty as charged! I allowed the day to run me and I bought in hook, line and sinker to missing the value of a day lived for God. The whole day or at least what I remember of it was all about the future. In fact it was all about 2008 and the "better year" that is coming. At least 7 people made remark as to how fast time was going yesterday. Zoom, zoom, zoom!

Anyway I don't want to spend today talking about the missing day of Tuesday November 29th 2007. It is Wednesday and already this morning I have been laying out my day. Unless an unexpected "divine" appointment shows up I have no one to meet with. Kim Johnson will be here at 5 to do live intercession for the Prayer Center and I am purposing to make time to enter into that. It means getting home a little later but I anticipate that it will be the highlight of my day. Between now and then I have much to do. I have it in my mind to pace myself. I want to "TAKE" time to gaze upon His beauty, time to sit at His feet. I am fully aware that wanting to take and taking are two different things. I very well could end up like Paul. Not doing what I want to do and doing what I do not want to do. I heard a saying somewhere that, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." I wonder how much of the pavement on that road is my intentions? Intentions... If I could count on intentions the Prayer Center would be 24/7/365 right now. If intentions were actions we would have live worship more than 50% of the time. If I could take intentions to the bank.............. I'll stop there. Intentions?

More Just Thoughts

Watching all the holiday movies during a time when you're trying to not be reflective is not a good decision. But I do understand why I live my life in pursuit of more. It's all around me. It was early October when I first saw Christmas decorations. I almost zoomed right past Halloween and Thanksgiving. Halloween would not be an issue for me to zoom past. Our family has never been big on celebrating that day. I am so glad I stayed home and that we opened the Prayer Center on Thanksgiving even if it was just for 2 hours. Then movie by movie Christmas crept in. And there was another thing I noticed. All the movies had happy endings. Predictable happy endings. Not happy endings that worked out in the end but people got what they set out to get. That is not the world I experience but it sure is the world I search for.

So many times this weekend I heard people speak of time moving faster. Yes there is the idea that as you get older time moves faster. Where does that come from? Twenty four hours is twenty four hours regardless of my age... isn't it? I don't wait to enjoy one day before I'm pursuing the idea of the next. What will tomorrow hold? What will God do? Will it be filled with joy or challenge. Here I am on thanksgiving day watching Christmas movies. ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! By Sunday afternoon I was anticipating the completion of 2007 and a new year, a better year of course.

The idea that everything every moment is leading to a better one is flawed. I know that eternity awaits me but being hear on earth is my now. If today is good isn't there the potential for tomorrow to be better? And if tomorrow has the potential to be better then the next day could be great. Years ago I wrote a marketing strategy for some friends called, "There Must Be A Better Way." The whole campaign revolved around showing people that what they were doing and what they had was not what could be. It worked and turned out to be financially rewarding for the people I created it for. But not everyone shared in the success. Is there a better way for some and not for others? I believe that may be true in this world.

But as a Christians I am told that my ways are not His ways. Since all things come from God including words then There Must Be A Better Way. His way or my way? John Maxwell says make your decisions early and then manage them the rest of your life. I am learning day by day, step by step and moment by moment how to manage my decisions.

More Just Thoughts

It is on this day each year that I begin the process of self evaluation. Looking back over the year and seeing, not so much how well I have done but where I'm at. I guess it's looking for the significance of having lived another year. From Thanksgiving to New Years in some respects is all about me and about now. I can't tell you how this form and function began or why I continue to do it. I used to look forward to it, but this year I am not. No particular reason that I can identify, but an uneasiness that began to settle in last night.

Some of it may be that Ann Marie is going away for a week beginning next Friday. It's strange but there is an emptiness and I miss her more before she is gone than the actual time she's gone. Could be a control issue? Having to let her go for someone else's benefit other than mine. I also know she needs these little get aways for herself and maybe that's another part of it. Why does she need them? Am I not providing all that she needs? Control? Fear of her being away or fear that she may not return?

There is also the mini evaluation that I just did a few weeks ago. I realize that it was just one small portion of my life but... it was less than flattering. Will I find more of my life to be the same? I admit that I have high standards when it comes to me. I constantly feel that I could have and should have done better in so many areas and especially when it comes to pursuing God. And it's not about the works.

This is what came to me yesterday as Ann Marie and I were being thankful for the ability to do nothing. Fear! Yes fear. I think I am finally getting the Outer Collapse - Inner Strength thing. My outer collapses take place because fear is greater than my inner strength. And yet inner strength is not the absence of fear. Inner Strength is the desire or ability to do the thing that fear says you can't. A terrorist who straps a bomb to himself and walks into a crowded place for the purpose of exploding the bomb and killing people, himself included, does not do so without fear. Yet he has a cause or a belief, in something so great that he is able to go beyond the fear and accomplish what he has set out to do. As wrong as his purpose, as deluded as he is in his beliefs he does conquer fear. I would bet that David faced fear all along the way in his encounter with Goliath. But, David's "knowing" was greater than Goliath. David's "knowing" also had to be greater than the fear of the possibility of his own death.

The word says that "to whom much is given, much is expected." As I was giving thanks yesterday for all I have been given, perhaps fear set in that says, I have not met the expectation. Fear that I haven't prayed enough, or long enough? Fear that I haven't been attentive enough and listened enough? Fear that I haven't been obedient enough or humble enough? Fear! Not relying on God enough?

As for Ann Marie, we have had or I should say I have had the opinion that I would go first because I never want to experience a day without her in it. She will leave a week from today but between now and then I have to think about her not being there on that Saturday. There is a fear that something could happen. That fear begins to take hold and it changes things. It puts me on the edge. I know that God is in control of the days that we are to live and when we will die but outside of very brief moments, our everyday lives include each other pretty much 24/7 and so there is come delusion that I can keep her safe.... if she's near me.

Fear is what I see, and what I get, when I take my eyes off my Inner Strength. FEAR is my outer collapse. Inner strength is not the absence of outer collapses or fear. Inner Strength is only visible in the face of fear. One's Inner Strength is the ability to "Be Still and Know." Like David who "knew" as he faced a giant. It's believing in God who is all the while effectually and fervently at work in me more than than the fear that tries to deceive and consume me.

In closing... calling myself a christian is not saying that I do not have any fear. Desiring to be a man after God's own heart does not remove fear. Walking in obedience and righteousness does not mean that I face no fear. I have many fears... but much of the time I have a belief about God, a trust in God, a commitment to God that is greater than the fear. No amount of self evaluation is going to eliminate fear. So I think I'll try another way to get past the fear of not evaluating myself and the fear that I may not have met the expectations of God and people. How about if I just accept the fact that I have not met all the preconceived expectations? What about just being thankful for the one's I have met because of a man called Jesus.

More Just Thoughts

I could as planned expand upon Exodus 23 but I believe I am led instead to Psalm 127. I hope to go back to Exodus. I am so hesitant to take a single passage from Old Testament days and try to live it out as a truth in today's world. Yet on the other hand... all scripture is given by the inspiration of God and for the purpose of training, correction, reproof, etc., etc.. Last night during our closing session Psalm 127 came to me. As I found it and read it for someone else the words lingered in my mind through-out the night and into this morning.

Psalm 127 is one of only two Psalms thought to be written by Solomon. The other Psalm is 72 and I think I'll take a look at that Psalm as well, possibly on Friday.

There are two parts to Psalm 127 and both fit within what I have been processing through in the blogs. Outer collapses, inner strength, humility. Part one of this Psalm is the vanity of doing anything outside of God. As though I could. Don't get me wrong, I can do a lot of things, but to what end? Lack of humility! Part two is the celebration of the value of doing only those things in which God is glorified. Nothing but humility.

So let's look at Psalm 127

1 EXCEPT THE Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; except the Lord keeps the city, the watchman wakes but in vain.
2 It is vain for you to rise up early, to take rest late, to eat the bread of [anxious] toil--for He gives [blessings] to His beloved in sleep.

Except the Lord builds the house says, a life lived separate from God. The word house in several other verses is broken down to mean or include a family, home, or business. We all know families that are not built around God. We all know individuals that are trying to live lives outside of God. And we all know how ell that is working for them. This theme fits with Solomon. On many occasions he says that to build anything in and of ourselves is worthless, that it's useless, that it's just vanity to even think that we could. Personally Ann Marie and I have built a lot of things that we thought were God. Truth is that some were and some weren't. I'd like to stay away from making those same mistakes again. I don't need a bigger or better Prayer Room to do what God has stirred my heart to do. I don't need a better address to get people to come to Onething. But this thing God is doing is bigger than Onething Prayer Center. It currently involves 5 churches and over 30 ministries and that's just what these human eyes can see. And../ there is that word we received a month ago that said, "churches would step up and come alongside Onething in December and finances would become a non issue." The move opens the door for another church that desires to come along side of us. The move opens the door for us to increase our rental revenue to the place where Ann Marie and I can receive some amount of income.

Except the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it. I have no desire to be one laboring in vain. Too much of that has already taken time and energy from me. Too much of that has stolen God's glory. That brings me back to the word I felt a few days ago. ENOUGH! I don't mean enough space or growth or building. I mean enough me!

Just Thoughts!

I tossed and turned last night as I weighed the options for Onething Prayer Center and for Ann Marie and I. Onething is located in a strip mall. We are tucked away behind some businesses in a courtyard that most people don't even know exists. It was what was available at the time and it has served us well in spite of no signage or front exposure. This past week a prime front location has become available so we are weighing all the possibilities. All open doors are not God. As I opened the word this morning I thought I was going to build upon my closing from Yesterday which was a single word "ENOUGH." I put in the word enough to do a search and this was what I got.

Exodus 23:29-30 I will not drive them out from before you in one year, lest the land become desolate and the beasts of the field become too numerous for you. 30 Little by little I will drive them out from before you, until you have increased, and you inherit the land.

Okay I have been writing that you don't take a verse and make it fit your situation but what am I to do with this...... call it coincidence? Our vision has been to eventually have the entire west end of this mall filled with ministry and Christian businesses or services. Am I facing step two of that process? Coincidence or encouragement to proceed according to God's plan and timing?

I must be true to my words about a verse to make a case for my circumstances. I must read and see the bigger picture around these verses. And I think for today I'll just read it and save comments for tomorrow should God allow.

Exodus 23:20 “Behold, I send an Angel before you to keep you in the way and to bring you into the place which I have prepared. 21 Beware of Him and obey His voice; do not provoke Him, for He will not pardon your transgressions; for My name is in Him. 22 But if you indeed obey His voice and do all that I speak, then I will be an enemy to your enemies and an adversary to your adversaries. 23 For My Angel will go before you and bring you in to the Amorites and the Hittites and the Perizzites and the Canaanites and the Hivites and the Jebusites; and I will cut them off. 24 You shall not bow down to their gods, nor serve them, nor do according to their works; but you shall utterly overthrow them and completely break down their sacred pillars. 25 “So you shall serve the LORD your God, and He will bless your bread and your water. And I will take sickness away from the midst of you. 26 No one shall suffer miscarriage or be barren in your land; I will fulfill the number of your days. 27 “I will send My fear before you, I will cause confusion among all the people to whom you come, and will make all your enemies turn their backs to you. 28 And I will send hornets before you, which shall drive out the Hivite, the Canaanite, and the Hittite from before you. 29 I will not drive them out from before you in one year, lest the land become desolate and the beasts of the field become too numerous for you. 30 Little by little I will drive them out from before you, until you have increased, and you inherit the land. 31 And I will set your bounds from the Red Sea to the sea, Philistia, and from the desert to the River.[b] For I will deliver the inhabitants of the land into your hand, and you shall drive them out before you. 32 You shall make no covenant with them, nor with their gods. 33 They shall not dwell in your land, lest they make you sin against Me. For if you serve their gods, it will surely be a snare to you.”

Outer Collapse - Inner Strength - Finale

Isaiah 54:1-6 "Sing, barren woman, who has never had a baby. Fill the air with song, you who've never experienced childbirth! You're ending up with far more children than all those childbearing women." God says so!" Clear lots of ground for your tents! Make your tents large. Spread out! Think big! Use plenty of rope, drive the tent pegs deep.You're going to need lots of elbow room for your growing family.You're going to take over whole nations; you're going to resettle abandoned cities.

This weekend at the Prayer Center God brought children for us to mother and father. Out of the clear blue they came for comfort, wisdom, direction and prayer. I say children but most were the twenty somethings. Some had painful issues and serious questions. Others were wounded by church and people. God gave them a place in the Prayer room. We didn't give birth to any of them. If not for the grace of God and His faithfulness we would not even know them.

Don't be afraid—you're not going to be embarrassed. Don't hold back—you're not going to come up short.

This says to me that I must see with spiritual eyes and not be distracted by the seemingly outer collapses. Where there is fear there is no faith. Without faith it is impossible to please God. If I view my life as the world views it I will be embarrassed most of the time, especially right now. If I judge what I have by the worlds standards then I have and will continue to come up short. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways and should expect nothing from the Lord. Double minded! One moment in the things of God and the next distracted by the things of the world. One moment humble and the next wanting significance. The boundaries are subtle. Deception is but a thought away. It comes from the outside and tries to enter in. God is "in" and pushes out.

You'll forget all about the humiliations of your youth, and the indignities of being a widow will fade from memory. For your Maker is your bridegroom, his name, God-of-the-Angel-Armies!Your Redeemer is The Holy of Israel, known as God of the whole earth.

Inner strength is knowing that my Maker is my bridegroom. He is God of the Angel Armies! The one who has redeemed me is the God of the whole earth. We must know who we are in Christ. It appears as though I have let former humiliations and indignities creep in and distract me from who I am in Christ. ENOUGH!

Outer Collapse - Inner Strength Part 16

This idea that my inner strength cannot sustain is not due to a lack of it. It's due to distractions. That's to say that my inner strength is not absent it is simply distracted. Outer collapses become the focus and the inner strength takes a back seat to them. The outer collapses become more real than the inner spirit that lives within me. The soul portion of me takes a position of authority. How do I know that? Because there are plenty of times when the distractions don't take control. There are many times when my spirit takes authority and I am able to move through and past the distraction.

I hate feeling nauseated. I don't get it very often but when I do I am miserable. Why? Because my physical body takes control. It gets my mind will and emotions to come along side of it and my entire attention is consumed with nausea. My spirit and what it has to say is not even a consideration at the time. As Jesus healed blind men He told them to do something afterward. They had to take their eyes off what had always been and focus on what now was.

I have thought long and hard on this thought. My outer collapses are usually the result of some action, some decision, some words that I spoke at an earlier time that now have consequences that I had not anticipated. I am fairly well convinced that, that happens because of the pace at which I move and ultimately the inner reason for my quick movements.

I have shared about our housing situation before. We had looked and looked and found the house we wanted to build. The process was well under way and we were to sign some papers to finalize the deal. The plan was to pay cash for this house and have no mortgage payment. A dream come true. On that day that we were to sign, someone we respected spoke the words that we should live elsewhere as we were those kind of people. Before you know it we were driving to the suggested place prior to going to our other meeting. We bought a home in that place. But, not debt free. We had to take a small mortgage. Small but still a mortgage. We cancelled the other deal and set out to live happily ever after. Three years later we are 60 days and monthly on the verge of being 90 days behind in that small mortgage. We moved fast and that mortgage has been the source of many outer collapses over the past year. I am now reliant upon God's mercy and grace. He had told us many, many years ago to be debt free. Why? Because the borrower is servant to the lender. I may now have to abandon what I believe God has put before me to go and get a job so that we don't break our word with the mortgage company. I am a servant to that mortgage company. I may be disqualified for this season from doing the God thing I desire. Ann Marie may be disqualified as well as she may have to find a job as well. God's mercy and grace can and may supply another way? But we would not be in this position if I would have calmed and quieted myself. I must also tell you that there was some pride in the decision as well. I didn't check my heart for haughty or lofty. It didn't matter in the heat of the moment.

I know that in the long run God has not deserted us and that the error of my ways will work for His good. But.... in the mean time I am having to fight an outer collapse. Slowing life down is not easy in the western world. To know that almost any item I purchase is already out of date is fast paced. And it seems to be getting faster. Yet in everything concerning God and my relationship with Him it seems that I am still being directed to calm and quite myself.

LORD, my heart is not haughty, Nor my eyes lofty. Neither do I concern myself with great matters, Nor with things too profound for me. That will only become truth through a calmed and quieted my soul,