Yet To Be Titled

I have completed what the book calls Part 1 with no revelations or any better understanding and most definitely feeling no better about how not to every experience disappointment with God. My normal pattern would be to not read any further. If a book does not captivate me or engage me in the first couple chapters, I usually never finish reading it. Originally I felt drawn to this book and I thought it may have been by the spirit. I may have been drawn alright, but it may have been by my soul (mind will and emotion).

Disappointment with God definitely tries to take refuge in my mind and it almost comes off as a challenge to my will and stirs up my emotions is an understatement. Not really sure, but we're ankle deep in this so let's get in a little further. My reluctance is added to by the fact that I had not read anything other than the Bible since this time last year. Now I'm reading my first book in some time and....... let's just say I'm not blown away. Were my expectations to high or incorrectly founded? So...... disappointment?

If so, in my spirit or in the book or in Philip?

There seems to be something here to investigate. Right now I'm getting a picture of me acting as judge and jury over this material. I'm looking very exhausted as I have been sitting and acting this way for an undetermined, but very long period of time. One thing after another is coming before me and I am declaring whether it is what I expected it to be or not. I have declared death or imprisonment to a huge pile of things. I am actually running out of room to put the things I am declaring as unmet expectations or disappointments. Then over in the corner is this very small stack of things that I have determined to have not disappointed me or to have met my expectations. As I look closer it appears as though they are shivering. I ask them why they are shivering and they can hardly speak the words but after a moment they say that they are afraid. Afraid that they will not meet my expectations and that they too will one day be added to the stack of those things that have disappointed me. Perhaps that's TMI (To much information)?

I can tell you that I am not interested in fake it till you make it. I am now seeing that there is a fine line between having done all you can do (according to the word) and faking it till you make it. I am also getting an inkling that there is also a difference between being disappointed with God and experiencing the wonder of God. Wonder being the unknown of God.

There are two different types of wonder according to the dictionary.

1. To be filled with admiration, amazement or awe.

2. To think or speculate curiously.

The second is what I'm referring to. I had a set of facts before me, I had expectations established, and may I add expectations rightly or wrongly established, and I am wondering why or why not. WONDER vs DISAPPOINTMENT? Is there a difference? I think so but before I get ahead of myself and Philip, I'll stop and call it a week. Then we'll come back next week and see what Part 2 has to offer.