TO BE OR NOT TO BE…. THAT IS THE QUESTION
It’s Tuesday and there are just a few days left before the rent payment is due for the prayer center. Not a real thought about it until this day as I have been learning to live life in the day that has been given to me and not what tomorrow or next week holds. As Paul said, “Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on.” This day for whatever reason is a battle and as the questions come they flood and try to overtake my mind. God, did I miss it when I thought you told me to open this prayer center? God, what have I not done? God where am I missing it? As I said, there was no lack for thoughts. But, I was immediately reminded of the verse that I had learned and shared in the past about taking every thought captive. That’s a part of learning how to live in the single day that God has given. God I need a word. God I need clarity. God, Abba Father what are you doing, what are you saying????? The previous two weeks I was studying about Peter being in prison and preparations being made for his execution the next day, yet he’s sleeping! It takes an angel of the Lord to wake him up. Sleeping! You can read the details for yourselves in Acts 12.
That Tuesday morning God gives me Philippians 4:4-9 (Amplified Bible) Rejoice in the Lord always [delight, gladden yourselves in Him]; again I say, Rejoice! Let all men know and perceive and recognize your unselfishness (your considerateness, your forbearing spirit). The Lord is near [He is coming soon]. Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. And God's peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]. Practice what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and model your way of living on it, and the God of peace (of untroubled, undisturbed well-being) will be with you.
I shared this with a few others that had gathered for the purpose of prayer over the prayer center and for our individual lives. It was like the first time I had heard it but the many lines and markings in my bible around these verses said otherwise. My attention was then drawn to verse 19 but as I read it, it was personalized. “Ed, I your God shall supply ALL your NEED according to My riches in glory.” “Do you believe that?” I remember thinking to myself that I have no doubt that you can but what does that look like for the rent? How? When? All the while I am very much aware of God’s timing and God’s sovereignty and I know that He is never late. When did the sea part for Moses? When he stood at the shore. When did the rain come for Noah? When he shut the door. When did the chains fall off Peter? When he stood up. When did the gate open for Peter and the Angel to be released from prison? When they stood at the gate. So Father…. am I not in the right place? Have I not finished or done my part? Ask a wrong question and you get a wrong answer. That whole day I fought the battle of taking every thought captive.
2 Corinthians 10:4-6 (Amplified Bible) For the weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds, [Inasmuch as we] refute arguments and theories and reasonings and every proud and lofty thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God; and we lead every thought and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One),
As I looked back on the day the thing that stood out was the number of new people who had found their way to the prayer center this week. Not because of our marketing or any contacts we knew, because God told us no to all of that and said “He would bring those that He wanted.”
Wednesday arrives with more of the same. Ann Marie had to be out of the prayer center so I was on my own. Due to unusual activity in the Café I decide to sit on the sofa in the Café and pray instead of in the prayer room. No sooner had I sat down when my attention was drawn to the signs on top of the shelves across from me. They may as well have shouted their words at me. BE STILL AND KNOW… that I am God. It echoed through my mind over and over. And then the four elements that I had been told by God to focus came rushing back. Learn silence and solitude, learn to listen to my voice, learn to meditate as intercession, and learn to pray as worship. Simply put, BE STILL AND KNOW. I heard the words but honestly they made no difference. What does that look like in regards to us paying the rent? I ran the events of yesterday through my mind and then the events of the week and then the events of the month and then proceeded to…… shall we say calculate what the future might look like? The Holy Spirit wanted no part of that so I quickly turned my attention in another direction. I began to reason that if God was truly sending all these new people in and for the record I did believe that it was Him, then He would not close the doors of the prayer center. I found some peace in those thoughts although the verse that kept coming to mind was that He chose the foolish things to confound the wise and that His was were not our ways. Yet I could not imagine God playing a trick on us by sending people to inhabit His place and then allowing it to close. In my current state of mind that would be cruel and unusual punishment. Surely the God who loved me before the foundation of the earth would not show His love that way. Can you see the ups and downs? Peace would come and peace would go. I also recalled the various ministries now using the facility and was sure that God would not bring them in only to displace them as well. I told Ann Marie that I was at a place of “Crisis of Belief.” If God was into playing games this way then I needed to consider options to my current beliefs. God I need clarity! What are you saying, what are You doing? All I could hear was BE STILL AND KNOW! God I do know but what does that look like for paying the rent? Am I not doing something you are asking of me? What am I doing wrong besides the hundreds of things I’m already aware of and working on? As I read this now I hear the guilt and condemnation trying to rise up. Are you hearing the error of my ways? What am I doing wrong? Am I not doing something? Like it’s all about my doing or not doing. As if it were all about me? God…our home is for sale. Any and all my possessions are for sale. Our home, my possessions? What do you want me to DO? The response came quickly BE!
I decided to fall back on a tool of the past and look at each word individually. Perhaps I could find some clarity? Maybe I could I tap into the secrets of God? This is the summary of my findings.
be - to exist or live, to occupy a place or position, to continue or remain, to belong or attend.
So You want me to occupy a place? Great, just give me the answers so I can.
still - remain in place or at rest; motionless, stationary, free from sound or noise, silent, free from turbulence or commotion
I will be able to remain there and rest once the rent is paid or if I know we’re closing. Either way God you will be God right?
and - added to, plus, then, also, again, repeatedly, at the same time
So there’s more? This is difficult enough as it is.
know - perceive or understand as fact or truth, apprehend clearly and with certainty, have established or fixed in the mind or memory, posses inside, secret or special information.
I’m trying to understand. It seems we both want the same thing so what’s the problem?
Have you ever known something to well to know it for real. As I look back today (Thursday) I was like Job after 42 chapters when he says, “THEN Job said to the Lord, I know that You can do all things, and that no thought or purpose of Yours can be restrained or thwarted. [You said to me] Who is this that darkens and obscures counsel [by words] without knowledge? Therefore [I now see] I have [rashly] uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. [I had virtually said to You what You have said to me:] Hear, I beseech You, and I will speak; I will demand of You, and You declare to me. I had heard of You [only] by the hearing of the ear, but now my [spiritual] eye sees You. Therefore I loathe [my words] and abhor myself and repent in dust and ashes.”
I never got it on Wednesday. My word study didn’t do a thing towards bringing me any clarity regarding the rent and whether the prayer room would continue or not. My heart said yes but my mind said maybe not. I reasoned enough to stay more in the God’s going to do something verses let’s wrap it up and spread the word that we are closing. I really kept hanging on the fact that God was sending people to the prayer room so it would go on. In fact by the end of the day I was recounting the God stories that have happened almost every day since the beginning. God stories that far outweigh this one thought, this one circumstance regarding the unpaid rent that is trying to consume me. The fact was that the blind man was blind until Jesus brought the truth with just a touch of His hand which caused the blind man to see.
As we were leaving the center I declared to someone that at the place where we go into the next month with the rent unpaid I was done. I am willing to sell all we have and give everything but I won’t cause others to be in that position out of my actions. The landlord has been gracious enough to allow us to just pay the rent in the month we’re in and be okay with that. So to go past that gracious gift would in my opinion be presumption. So I’m good to go. We have until 11:59 PM on Saturday. This moment is kind of like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego when they are threatened with being thrown into the fire and they say to the king, “Whether in the fire or not, our God is still God.” I’m saying, “Whether we have a prayer center or not our God is still God.”
The ride home was fairly quiet as Ann Marie and I just pondered the situation and where we were at and at least for me what was next? Still asking God what are you doing, what are you saying? As we get near home the phone rings and a story begins to unfold of God’s provision and answered prayer for a couple that we have been agreeing and standing with. I am in awe of God’s answer for this couple.
Then as Paul Harvey would say, came the rest of the story. They told us that on Friday we were to go to the bank across the street from where we live and that there would be a cashiers check for $2400.00 waiting for us. BE STILL AND KNOW…. that I am God. Put that $2400.00 with what we have and we will make the payment by the 31st.
BE STILL AND KNOW! I think I now get it. For two weeks God was revealing His truth as I studied Peter in prison, his execution scheduled for the morning and he’s sleeping. He’s not asking how or when. He knows that there is a group of people gathered in the name of Jesus and they are praying all night. He knows that whether he lives or dies, God is still God. Peter is being still and knowing that God is God. My knowing was what kept me from seeing. God is not keeping secrets from me or anyone else. Philippians 3:5 says, Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you. He revealed Peter to me. An entire chapter that was like a prophesy for us. Then He revealed the words of Paul to me, to think on these things. He refines the message down to a few verses. And if that wasn’t enough He says, “let me simplify this to a few words for you Ed, BE STILL AND KNOW! Know what? Know that I am your God and that I supply all your need according to My riches.
BE STILL AND KNOW! Not be still and reason. Not be still and figure out. Not be still and be anxious. Be still and know!
Know - perceive or understand as fact or truth, apprehend clearly and with certainty, have established or fixed in the mind or memory, posses inside secret or special information.
In closing…. Romans 4:20-22 (Amplified Bible) No unbelief or distrust made him waver (doubtingly question) concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong and was empowered by faith as he gave praise and glory to God, fully satisfied and assured that God was able and mighty to keep His word and to do what He had promised. That is why his faith was credited to him as righteousness (right standing with God).
Romans 4:20-22 KJV He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform. And therefore “it was accounted to him for righteousness.”
It’s Tuesday and there are just a few days left before the rent payment is due for the prayer center. Not a real thought about it until this day as I have been learning to live life in the day that has been given to me and not what tomorrow or next week holds. As Paul said, “Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on.” This day for whatever reason is a battle and as the questions come they flood and try to overtake my mind. God, did I miss it when I thought you told me to open this prayer center? God, what have I not done? God where am I missing it? As I said, there was no lack for thoughts. But, I was immediately reminded of the verse that I had learned and shared in the past about taking every thought captive. That’s a part of learning how to live in the single day that God has given. God I need a word. God I need clarity. God, Abba Father what are you doing, what are you saying????? The previous two weeks I was studying about Peter being in prison and preparations being made for his execution the next day, yet he’s sleeping! It takes an angel of the Lord to wake him up. Sleeping! You can read the details for yourselves in Acts 12.
That Tuesday morning God gives me Philippians 4:4-9 (Amplified Bible) Rejoice in the Lord always [delight, gladden yourselves in Him]; again I say, Rejoice! Let all men know and perceive and recognize your unselfishness (your considerateness, your forbearing spirit). The Lord is near [He is coming soon]. Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. And God's peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]. Practice what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and model your way of living on it, and the God of peace (of untroubled, undisturbed well-being) will be with you.
I shared this with a few others that had gathered for the purpose of prayer over the prayer center and for our individual lives. It was like the first time I had heard it but the many lines and markings in my bible around these verses said otherwise. My attention was then drawn to verse 19 but as I read it, it was personalized. “Ed, I your God shall supply ALL your NEED according to My riches in glory.” “Do you believe that?” I remember thinking to myself that I have no doubt that you can but what does that look like for the rent? How? When? All the while I am very much aware of God’s timing and God’s sovereignty and I know that He is never late. When did the sea part for Moses? When he stood at the shore. When did the rain come for Noah? When he shut the door. When did the chains fall off Peter? When he stood up. When did the gate open for Peter and the Angel to be released from prison? When they stood at the gate. So Father…. am I not in the right place? Have I not finished or done my part? Ask a wrong question and you get a wrong answer. That whole day I fought the battle of taking every thought captive.
2 Corinthians 10:4-6 (Amplified Bible) For the weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds, [Inasmuch as we] refute arguments and theories and reasonings and every proud and lofty thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God; and we lead every thought and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One),
As I looked back on the day the thing that stood out was the number of new people who had found their way to the prayer center this week. Not because of our marketing or any contacts we knew, because God told us no to all of that and said “He would bring those that He wanted.”
Wednesday arrives with more of the same. Ann Marie had to be out of the prayer center so I was on my own. Due to unusual activity in the Café I decide to sit on the sofa in the Café and pray instead of in the prayer room. No sooner had I sat down when my attention was drawn to the signs on top of the shelves across from me. They may as well have shouted their words at me. BE STILL AND KNOW… that I am God. It echoed through my mind over and over. And then the four elements that I had been told by God to focus came rushing back. Learn silence and solitude, learn to listen to my voice, learn to meditate as intercession, and learn to pray as worship. Simply put, BE STILL AND KNOW. I heard the words but honestly they made no difference. What does that look like in regards to us paying the rent? I ran the events of yesterday through my mind and then the events of the week and then the events of the month and then proceeded to…… shall we say calculate what the future might look like? The Holy Spirit wanted no part of that so I quickly turned my attention in another direction. I began to reason that if God was truly sending all these new people in and for the record I did believe that it was Him, then He would not close the doors of the prayer center. I found some peace in those thoughts although the verse that kept coming to mind was that He chose the foolish things to confound the wise and that His was were not our ways. Yet I could not imagine God playing a trick on us by sending people to inhabit His place and then allowing it to close. In my current state of mind that would be cruel and unusual punishment. Surely the God who loved me before the foundation of the earth would not show His love that way. Can you see the ups and downs? Peace would come and peace would go. I also recalled the various ministries now using the facility and was sure that God would not bring them in only to displace them as well. I told Ann Marie that I was at a place of “Crisis of Belief.” If God was into playing games this way then I needed to consider options to my current beliefs. God I need clarity! What are you saying, what are You doing? All I could hear was BE STILL AND KNOW! God I do know but what does that look like for paying the rent? Am I not doing something you are asking of me? What am I doing wrong besides the hundreds of things I’m already aware of and working on? As I read this now I hear the guilt and condemnation trying to rise up. Are you hearing the error of my ways? What am I doing wrong? Am I not doing something? Like it’s all about my doing or not doing. As if it were all about me? God…our home is for sale. Any and all my possessions are for sale. Our home, my possessions? What do you want me to DO? The response came quickly BE!
I decided to fall back on a tool of the past and look at each word individually. Perhaps I could find some clarity? Maybe I could I tap into the secrets of God? This is the summary of my findings.
be - to exist or live, to occupy a place or position, to continue or remain, to belong or attend.
So You want me to occupy a place? Great, just give me the answers so I can.
still - remain in place or at rest; motionless, stationary, free from sound or noise, silent, free from turbulence or commotion
I will be able to remain there and rest once the rent is paid or if I know we’re closing. Either way God you will be God right?
and - added to, plus, then, also, again, repeatedly, at the same time
So there’s more? This is difficult enough as it is.
know - perceive or understand as fact or truth, apprehend clearly and with certainty, have established or fixed in the mind or memory, posses inside, secret or special information.
I’m trying to understand. It seems we both want the same thing so what’s the problem?
Have you ever known something to well to know it for real. As I look back today (Thursday) I was like Job after 42 chapters when he says, “THEN Job said to the Lord, I know that You can do all things, and that no thought or purpose of Yours can be restrained or thwarted. [You said to me] Who is this that darkens and obscures counsel [by words] without knowledge? Therefore [I now see] I have [rashly] uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. [I had virtually said to You what You have said to me:] Hear, I beseech You, and I will speak; I will demand of You, and You declare to me. I had heard of You [only] by the hearing of the ear, but now my [spiritual] eye sees You. Therefore I loathe [my words] and abhor myself and repent in dust and ashes.”
I never got it on Wednesday. My word study didn’t do a thing towards bringing me any clarity regarding the rent and whether the prayer room would continue or not. My heart said yes but my mind said maybe not. I reasoned enough to stay more in the God’s going to do something verses let’s wrap it up and spread the word that we are closing. I really kept hanging on the fact that God was sending people to the prayer room so it would go on. In fact by the end of the day I was recounting the God stories that have happened almost every day since the beginning. God stories that far outweigh this one thought, this one circumstance regarding the unpaid rent that is trying to consume me. The fact was that the blind man was blind until Jesus brought the truth with just a touch of His hand which caused the blind man to see.
As we were leaving the center I declared to someone that at the place where we go into the next month with the rent unpaid I was done. I am willing to sell all we have and give everything but I won’t cause others to be in that position out of my actions. The landlord has been gracious enough to allow us to just pay the rent in the month we’re in and be okay with that. So to go past that gracious gift would in my opinion be presumption. So I’m good to go. We have until 11:59 PM on Saturday. This moment is kind of like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego when they are threatened with being thrown into the fire and they say to the king, “Whether in the fire or not, our God is still God.” I’m saying, “Whether we have a prayer center or not our God is still God.”
The ride home was fairly quiet as Ann Marie and I just pondered the situation and where we were at and at least for me what was next? Still asking God what are you doing, what are you saying? As we get near home the phone rings and a story begins to unfold of God’s provision and answered prayer for a couple that we have been agreeing and standing with. I am in awe of God’s answer for this couple.
Then as Paul Harvey would say, came the rest of the story. They told us that on Friday we were to go to the bank across the street from where we live and that there would be a cashiers check for $2400.00 waiting for us. BE STILL AND KNOW…. that I am God. Put that $2400.00 with what we have and we will make the payment by the 31st.
BE STILL AND KNOW! I think I now get it. For two weeks God was revealing His truth as I studied Peter in prison, his execution scheduled for the morning and he’s sleeping. He’s not asking how or when. He knows that there is a group of people gathered in the name of Jesus and they are praying all night. He knows that whether he lives or dies, God is still God. Peter is being still and knowing that God is God. My knowing was what kept me from seeing. God is not keeping secrets from me or anyone else. Philippians 3:5 says, Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you. He revealed Peter to me. An entire chapter that was like a prophesy for us. Then He revealed the words of Paul to me, to think on these things. He refines the message down to a few verses. And if that wasn’t enough He says, “let me simplify this to a few words for you Ed, BE STILL AND KNOW! Know what? Know that I am your God and that I supply all your need according to My riches.
BE STILL AND KNOW! Not be still and reason. Not be still and figure out. Not be still and be anxious. Be still and know!
Know - perceive or understand as fact or truth, apprehend clearly and with certainty, have established or fixed in the mind or memory, posses inside secret or special information.
In closing…. Romans 4:20-22 (Amplified Bible) No unbelief or distrust made him waver (doubtingly question) concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong and was empowered by faith as he gave praise and glory to God, fully satisfied and assured that God was able and mighty to keep His word and to do what He had promised. That is why his faith was credited to him as righteousness (right standing with God).
Romans 4:20-22 KJV He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform. And therefore “it was accounted to him for righteousness.”
Hebrews 13:5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
I wouldn’t say that where I was at was a love of money but the need for some certainly was causing me some unbelief distrust and wavering. TO BE OR NOT TO BE… THAT IS THE QUESTION.
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