Troubled Believer Part 4

Have you ever had a night where you just could not get to sleep? You know you're tired and your eyes want to close, but your mind will not stop. Or how about you fall asleep and in the middle of the night you wake up? And, sometimes for no apparent reason. Regardless, all you know is that you can't fall back to sleep.

Verse 4 of Psalm 77 says, "You hold my eyelids open; The psalmist is experiencing a sleepless night. I have experienced sleepless nights and I do exactly what the Psalmist did. I blame God. He doesn't say I hold or my circumstances hold, he says, "You hold." The situation, the circumstances, the trouble has me held captive. What I can see, hear, taste, touch or smell is more real to me than the truth of the Word. I see the lack of provision and it is more real to me than, "The Lord is my Shepherd and I shall not want." In reality I see the need as being greater than the provider. As I got up out of bed today I declared that, "This is the day the Lord has made! I will rejoice and be glad in it for the joy of the Lord is my strength!" SELAH!

This - as opposed to that. Not the next one or the last one but this one.

Is- to exist or live now. Not might be or could be or was but is currently.

The - used to express a specific thing. THE DAY!

Day - A time considered as opportune.

Again

The - expressing a specific God. It's THE GOD! Not a god or another god.

Lord - a person who has authority, control or power over a particular thing or person's.

Has - already done . Not will or wants to but it's already completed from beginning to end.

Made - produced, prepared, assured of success. WOW!

That's everything God has done! Now what do I have to do to get a piece of that?

I - Ed, me. Not someone else.

Will - am expected to or required to.

Rejoice - take delight, gladden

And- plus, included as part of the previous.

Be - occupy a place or position, continue or remain. Not think about or consider.

Glad - characterized by or showing cheerfulness, pleasure or satisfaction.

In - in possession, occupy, on the inside. Not a spectator.

It - this not that.

Now I know God's part and I know my part. The only question is regarding my part. By virtue of my writing this email God has already done His part. Now will I do mine?

This morning I said, "I am looking forward to seeing Your glory revealed today." Fifteen minutes later while driving to the prayer center the radio begins to play a song called, "Glory Revealed." Coincidence or confirmation? God's glory revealed! Just one touch of His glory and life will never be the same. The word says, "He daily loads me up with benefits." It also says, "His mercy and grace are renewed every morning." And it says, "I will mount up with wings as eagles." While all of those words are great words they do not mean that I will not face trouble or be challenged on just how strongly I believe those words. I want to be aware and thankful for the benefits, but sometimes I am distracted by my wants or what I perceive my needs to be. I need new mercy and grace everyday because I am sure that I exhaust each days supply just as people sometimes do with me. I want to sour like the eagles so that I don't have to crawl on the ground. I know! Sometimes I mayhave to crawl on the ground but you get my druft. I want each day to be different. I'm not looking for the same old same old in my journey with God. I desire for my journey to be exciting. Now I know that the excitement may scare the daylights out of me at times but..... knowing and having confidence in the guide makes all the difference in the world. A REVELATION (from God) of the RELATIONSHIP (between He and I) will produce a proper RESPONSE (for His glory).

Back to verse 4. "I am so TROUBLED that I cannot speak." There's the third troubled and this time it is troubled as in anguished. The Psalmist is perturbed. He is frustrated. He is angry. Who's the recipient of that anguish? God! I have experienced times when I was just so frustrated with a person and or a situation that I could not speak at the moment. Then there are times when I knew better than to speak at the moment. And still other times when I wished I had not spoken at the moment. I have first hand experience as to where the Psalmist is. I also know what it's like when I get tired. My patience runs thin. My tolerance for anything other than what I want is slim. I'm TIRED! And in those times everything is magnified.

Everything the Psalmist is doing just makes matters worse and that's where my experience comes from. I race around doing what I say is the God thing and physically, mentally, emotionally I am tired or better yet often exhausted. Then a situation comes and makes matters worse and I am to tired to remember the truth. Too tired to fight or even just stand. How does all this apply to today? Well it's the last day of the month and the rent for the prayer center is due. Along with that so is our mortgage payment and car payment. For the us portion we have one or the other but not both. For the prayer center we have about 2/3 rds of it. The landlord is due anytime to pick up the check. GLORY REVEALED! I have two options. I can join the Psalmist which is what I have done for the past three months or... or, I can watch and wait for God's GLORY REVEALED.

Troubled Believer Weekend Review

Instead of moving forward to verse 4 I need to "Selah" ( pause and consider that) on verses 1,2and 3 for the weekend.

I already shared my question as to what does the Psalmist mean when He says, "In the day of trouble I sought the Lord." My insinuation was that the Psalmist was, shall we say, in less relationship than he could have been. I must rescind and apologize for that and say that it is presumptuous of me to think, say or insinuate that. In verse 1 the Psalmist states, "And He gave me ear." God had already responded to the Psalmist voice crying out. It could be that the Psalmist is just making it clear for my benefit that when the day of trouble comes I must search for the provider not the provision. That there is no security in what God is doing only in who He is. That's sounds great but it is a mouthful to real believe, understand and live that. When he says, "I sought the Lord" he's saying the same thing as "I cried out." And later he says, "I remembered God." Three times he focuses my attention toward God. Cry out to God, search for God and remember God. All three have passion in them. All three are verbs. All three are words of action. But, not toward finding a solution or an answer for the trouble. The action of all three is clear Cry to GOD, search for GOD, and remember GOD. That being said, brings us to the next point.

My soul refused to be comforted. The soul is the mind, will and emotions.

So what the Psalmist was saying is that his mind would not be comforted. His thoughts the places his mind was going to only brought his more trouble. Could it be that his mind was thinking the wrong thoughts? What about taking every thought captive to the will of God. How about having the mind of Christ and our thoughts being established in Him and our steps being ordered by Him?

His will would not be comforted. Could it be that his will was not God's will? The things that were causing the trouble... were they self centered? What were the intentions of the heart? James talks about asking and not receiving because we ask amiss that we would spend it on our pleasures.

His emotions would not be comforted. Is it just possible that he had worked himself into a frenzy? Perhaps he had a tad of fear about things to come? Maybe worry had set in? Could it be that the Psalmist was taking on responsibility that was not his? You8 know how we do that. We give a situation to God today or this hour and then take it back tomorrow.

Revelation 21:3 And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.
4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
5 And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.
6 And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely.
7 He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son.
8But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

Troubled Believer Part 3

Before moving on to verse three a thought came to me due to reading the Message version of these verses.

I cry out to God with my voice - To God with my voice; And He gave ear to me. In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord; My hand was stretched out in the night without ceasing; My soul refused to be comforted.

The Message says, I yell out to my God, I yell with all my might. I yell at the top of my lungs. He listens. I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord; my life was an open wound that wouldn't heal. When my friends said, "Everything will turn out all right," I didn't believe a word they said.

I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord? Why did he have to go looking for his Lord? I know what that looks like for me. When I find myself in trouble my search for God intensifies. There have been times with Ann Marie and I in our marriage when she expresses some dissatisfaction and my response is to place immediate attention on fixing her dissatisfaction. Why? Because I found myself, my marriage in trouble and so I went looking for a resolution. What would it look like if the intensity for my marriage or for God was there more often or more constant? How much trouble could be avoided?

Psalm 77:3 I remembered God, and was troubled; I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed.

Selah. (pause, and calmly think of that)

I remembered God, and was troubled; Troubled number two. Remember the first troubled was in everything of life. This troubled is in spirit.

I complained. I expressed feelings of pain, dissatisfaction, resentment. I made a formal accusation I brought a formal charge. I told God of my pains, and ailments. Again the Message paints this picture so well. I remember God - and shake my head. I bow my head - then wring my hands.

Is it possible to remembered God and be troubled? ABSOLUTELY! Here's what makes that possible for me. I get into these places where the things I see, hear, taste, touch and smell are so real that they consume me. I think on them. I meditate on them. I talk about them. I make choices based on them. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and that in and of itself causes me to be troubled. But for me as a believer I often find myself going to God almost after the fact and then remembering Him, a teaching I've heard in the past or a word that I got in the past from reading the Bible or a book, I become more troubled than before. Why? Because I am now faced with not only the facts which again are the things I see, hear, taste, touch and smell but now I have remembered God, and the truth of His word.

I complained and my spirit was overwhelmed! I spoke of the trouble so much that it outweighed the truth. I thought or spoke of the trouble so much that it became my truth. I lost sight of God being my source. What I see, what I am feeling, what I am experiencing is so real and so big that it has overwhelmed any thought of God. It's at this point that I am officially a "Troubled Believer."

Isaiah 50:10 Who among you fears the Lord? Who obeys the voice of His Servant? Who walks in darkness and has no light? Let him trust in the name of the Lord and rely upon his God.

As a troubled believer I am walking in darkness. I am unable to see the light. What I am am learning to do better, is that when I can't see God, I am able to trust in His name. Whenever we are moving into a new spiritual dimension, we will be required to upgrade or advance our relationship with God. My journey is a progressive revelation of relationship with God. Then out of that relationship my response is one that brings glory and honor to Him. The journey my life has been on til now has been to find what God is doing and follow it, join it, serve in it. No longer is that the case. I am learning how to trust and rely on the nature of God and not on what I perceive He's doing. God's nature never changes! What He's doing or what I perceive He's doing is constantly changing. Who He is, His nature, is consistent yet unpredictable in what He does.

SELAH! Pause and think on that.

Troubled Believer - Part 2

Psalm 77:1,2 In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord; My hand stretched out in the night without ceasing; my soul refused to be comforted.

The word trouble is significant here. The psalmist here is referring to everything in life. If you have a Strong's Concordance you can refer to 6862. The Psalmist is going beyond just crying out with His voice. He is searching for the Lord. The Amplified Bible puts it like this. In the day of my trouble I seek, inquire of and desperately require the Lord. Perhaps he's on his knees with his hands raised toward God in desperation. Or maybe he's pacing back and forth? That's my usual mode. The thought occurs to me that, maybe I'd do better on my knees! Either way I can get a clear picture. Probably because I've been there more than once. These times in my life are hard to forget. That as desperately as I search for the Lord I am unable for whatever reason to find any comfort.

My hand stretched out in the night without ceasing. He is refusing to let up. This psalmist is far more committed than I have ever been. In the night without ceasing. My nights are for sleeping and this psalmist night is in warfare. Hands stretched out in prayer to his God. I can only remember once in my life where I came close to the picture this psalmist has described for us. Not in being troubled but in my response being so committed. I have spent most of my life trying to avoid and or figure out how to avoid these times. Yet today I am often still the troubled believer. There is a difference for me though. Today I am in a diligent pursuit of the nature of God verses the peace of God. His nature is the same yesterday, today and forever. He never changes while the things that bring or take away my peace are always changing. I still want peace but it comes from knowing the nature of God instead of in what He is doing.

My soul refused to be comforted. I know the verse that I should be believing. I know that what is tormenting me is a lie and I know that God my Father is the only truth that not will but has set me free but...... I can't seem to locate HIM right then. At these times, what I know of God and who I know Him to be, is in direct contrast to what I am experiencing. I know God as my provider yet where is today's provision? I know that He's healed me before so where is the healing today? I know that He loves me and that He gave His Son for me but where is the warmth of His embrace right now? For me it's like sitting in the same room as Ann Marie and I think she's trying to say something to me but the TV is so loud I can't here what she's saying to me. I don't know why I think she has something to say to me other than we're in the same room and I am expecting her to say something. When it doesn't appear to happen I began to ask why. Does she know I'm in the room? Does she care that I'm in the room? Doesn't she love me? Is she angry with me? Ask a wrong question and you'll get a wrong answer.

In the day of trouble, when everything appears to have gone wrong, when I am spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically spent, I search, inquire of and desperately require the Lord. You have to give this psalmist credit. He's going to God! His hand is stretched out to God. So far his "form and function" are correct.

We can see that the whole person is involved in this night. Every part of what makes him a man is drawn into this torment. His voice crys out, his hands are raised, his soul refuses comfort. And if that's not enough his eyes won't close and he's unable to speak in verse 4. His memory, heart and spirit are all involved in verse 5 and 6. Whatever the cause of his trouble it is not just in his mind. It's consuming his whole being. Again, everything that He knows of God is in stark contrast to what he is experiencing.

Here's a personal observation. There is usually no warning as to when these times will come. One day everything is peaceful and the next all trouble has broken out. Often for me I don't even know what the trouble really is. There is just a feeling or a sense of emptiness, loneliness or lostness (probably not a word).

There are not many wasted words in these two verses. They get right to the point and give us a valuable lesson about being a troubled believer.
I cry out to God with my voice - To God with my voice; And He gave ear to me. In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord; My hand was stretched out in the night without ceasing; My soul refused to be comforted. The Message says, I yell out to my God, I yell with all my might. I yell at the top of my lungs. He listens. I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord; my life was an open wound that wouldn't heal. When my friends said, "Everything will turn out all right," I didn't believe a word they said.

Troubled Believer Part 1

I know that none of you have or would ever fit the title "Troubled believer" but for sure there are days when I am the epitome of those words. Some might ask is that possible? Can you use the word believer and troubled in the same sentence? Ed didn't you become a believer to eliminate trouble from your life? No, becoming a believer was to eliminate sin from my life. No, I am all to often a troubled believer and that's my opinion not a God revelation. In fact quite the contrary.

It has been said that I don't live in the real world or that my life is not reality. They think that because I don't express or share let's call it the stuff in the same manner as is common, that I don't have any stuff. That is just wrong in and of itself because I did PTP and Reality daily emails for 4 years where I exposed my stuff daily. I politely assure them that I have my days just like anyone else but based on their responses I know that they will go one believing what they want about me. This past week I was drawn to Psalm 77 which I had looked at in the past but never in any depth. Well here's an in depth look at Psalm 77 and once again an attempt to let the skeptics know that I do live in the real world and I do recognize reality and in fact deal with it every day. But I admit that I do not deal with it in a manner which is common to man. This Psalmist has penned my thoughts, words and actions to paper.

Psalm 77:1 I cried out to God with my voice- To God with my voice; And HE GAVE ear TO ME.

I can spend much time right here. Let me personalize this verse and see if anything resonates. Ed cries out to God with his voice - To God with Ed's voice; And He, Ed's God gives ear to him.

The message makes it clearer. I, Ed, yell out to my God, I Ed, yell with all my might, I, Ed, yell at the top of my lungs. And He, Ed's God, listens.

The psalmist is a believer. He's crying out to the one in whom he believes. And he's not whispering or whining, He's yelling at the top of his lungs. He wants to be heard! I want to be heard. I want someone to listen? But who? Whom do I want to be heard by? Who do I want to listen to me? I personally have found that if I'm going to pour out my heart I don't want just anyone to listen, I want that someone to have the ability to make whatever better. Thus if the word is true and all thing come from God and all things go through God and all things end in God then shouldn't I go to God?

What 's verse one all about? ............... Who's the psalmist crying out to? His neighbor? His friends? His spouse? To anyone who will listen? No, it's to God. And He repeats it twice. If I am utterly dependent upon God for everything in my life then who else would or should I cry out to when the life I'm living isn't the one I thought I signed up for? I guess the first issue to look at though is, how dependent am I on God? Are the words utterly dependent on Him for everything some nice sounding theology or philosophical mumbo jumbo? When it really comes down to it do I make my own way with the cards that are dealt to me or am I utterly dependent upon Him? That's a side bar study in itself. What does being utterly dependent on Him look like in everyday life? Maybe by the end of this Psalm we'll have a glimpse at that as well as what to do when we become troubled believers.

For years I spent countless hours reading books researching and hoping for the day when I wouldn't have any days that cause me to need to cry out. Hundreds of books are out there and thousands of well meaning people offering advice, opinion, experience, 1,2,3 steps etc. as to how to handle the things of life that overwhelm me. But none have provide me with the life of bliss that I so desperately have wanted. Psalm 77 and many others are the best answer I have found. The truth of this psalm is better than any advice that I have received, whether free or paid for. Am I willing to leave my life stuff to someone else's opinion or their experience?

The reason people think the way they do about me is because I from a very early age had to take my life to God. I had no alternative. I grew up in an alcoholic home. As a child there was no fancy title for what our home was like but today it would be the ultimate example of dysfunctional. I couldn't go to either of my parents as they obviously had their own issues. As a child I couldn't go to other adults. I remember the one time I did speak to an adult in the church I attended and their response was, " well you have a roof over your head, food in your stomach and clothes on your back so how bad can it really be. At an early age I figured out that God was the only option and if God didn't care... well then I would just have to move on and make the best of it. I'd have to adjust my attitude and accept it as God's will. After some 40 years of turning to God first and then possibly to men I it has become a way of life, a lifestyle. I am not suggesting that all of that was right but I am making the point that according to the entire word of God WE MUST GO TO GOD! His advice is a more sure word than any mans. His opinion counts far more than any persons. And His instructions are more than 3 or 7 steps to a better life. God's word is life!

My answer to all those that think I have found some way of escape from reality and/or the stuff that everyone but me has to deal with is this. I cry out to God with my voice- and the psalmist repeats it just in case we didn't get it the first time, TO GOD WITH MY VOICE! And HE GIVES ear TO ME.

As I am not promised tomorrow I will not promise more tomorrow. Utterly dependent upon Him for everything?

TO BE OR NOT TO BE…. THAT IS THE QUESTION

It’s Tuesday and there are just a few days left before the rent payment is due for the prayer center. Not a real thought about it until this day as I have been learning to live life in the day that has been given to me and not what tomorrow or next week holds. As Paul said, “Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on.” This day for whatever reason is a battle and as the questions come they flood and try to overtake my mind. God, did I miss it when I thought you told me to open this prayer center? God, what have I not done? God where am I missing it? As I said, there was no lack for thoughts. But, I was immediately reminded of the verse that I had learned and shared in the past about taking every thought captive. That’s a part of learning how to live in the single day that God has given. God I need a word. God I need clarity. God, Abba Father what are you doing, what are you saying????? The previous two weeks I was studying about Peter being in prison and preparations being made for his execution the next day, yet he’s sleeping! It takes an angel of the Lord to wake him up. Sleeping! You can read the details for yourselves in Acts 12.

That Tuesday morning God gives me Philippians 4:4-9 (Amplified Bible) Rejoice in the Lord always [delight, gladden yourselves in Him]; again I say, Rejoice! Let all men know and perceive and recognize your unselfishness (your considerateness, your forbearing spirit). The Lord is near [He is coming soon]. Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. And God's peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]. Practice what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and model your way of living on it, and the God of peace (of untroubled, undisturbed well-being) will be with you.

I shared this with a few others that had gathered for the purpose of prayer over the prayer center and for our individual lives. It was like the first time I had heard it but the many lines and markings in my bible around these verses said otherwise. My attention was then drawn to verse 19 but as I read it, it was personalized. “Ed, I your God shall supply ALL your NEED according to My riches in glory.” “Do you believe that?” I remember thinking to myself that I have no doubt that you can but what does that look like for the rent? How? When? All the while I am very much aware of God’s timing and God’s sovereignty and I know that He is never late. When did the sea part for Moses? When he stood at the shore. When did the rain come for Noah? When he shut the door. When did the chains fall off Peter? When he stood up. When did the gate open for Peter and the Angel to be released from prison? When they stood at the gate. So Father…. am I not in the right place? Have I not finished or done my part? Ask a wrong question and you get a wrong answer. That whole day I fought the battle of taking every thought captive.

2 Corinthians 10:4-6 (Amplified Bible) For the weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds, [Inasmuch as we] refute arguments and theories and reasonings and every proud and lofty thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God; and we lead every thought and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One),

As I looked back on the day the thing that stood out was the number of new people who had found their way to the prayer center this week. Not because of our marketing or any contacts we knew, because God told us no to all of that and said “He would bring those that He wanted.”

Wednesday arrives with more of the same. Ann Marie had to be out of the prayer center so I was on my own. Due to unusual activity in the Café I decide to sit on the sofa in the Café and pray instead of in the prayer room. No sooner had I sat down when my attention was drawn to the signs on top of the shelves across from me. They may as well have shouted their words at me. BE STILL AND KNOW… that I am God. It echoed through my mind over and over. And then the four elements that I had been told by God to focus came rushing back. Learn silence and solitude, learn to listen to my voice, learn to meditate as intercession, and learn to pray as worship. Simply put, BE STILL AND KNOW. I heard the words but honestly they made no difference. What does that look like in regards to us paying the rent? I ran the events of yesterday through my mind and then the events of the week and then the events of the month and then proceeded to…… shall we say calculate what the future might look like? The Holy Spirit wanted no part of that so I quickly turned my attention in another direction. I began to reason that if God was truly sending all these new people in and for the record I did believe that it was Him, then He would not close the doors of the prayer center. I found some peace in those thoughts although the verse that kept coming to mind was that He chose the foolish things to confound the wise and that His was were not our ways. Yet I could not imagine God playing a trick on us by sending people to inhabit His place and then allowing it to close. In my current state of mind that would be cruel and unusual punishment. Surely the God who loved me before the foundation of the earth would not show His love that way. Can you see the ups and downs? Peace would come and peace would go. I also recalled the various ministries now using the facility and was sure that God would not bring them in only to displace them as well. I told Ann Marie that I was at a place of “Crisis of Belief.” If God was into playing games this way then I needed to consider options to my current beliefs. God I need clarity! What are you saying, what are You doing? All I could hear was BE STILL AND KNOW! God I do know but what does that look like for paying the rent? Am I not doing something you are asking of me? What am I doing wrong besides the hundreds of things I’m already aware of and working on? As I read this now I hear the guilt and condemnation trying to rise up. Are you hearing the error of my ways? What am I doing wrong? Am I not doing something? Like it’s all about my doing or not doing. As if it were all about me? God…our home is for sale. Any and all my possessions are for sale. Our home, my possessions? What do you want me to DO? The response came quickly BE!

I decided to fall back on a tool of the past and look at each word individually. Perhaps I could find some clarity? Maybe I could I tap into the secrets of God? This is the summary of my findings.

be - to exist or live, to occupy a place or position, to continue or remain, to belong or attend.

So You want me to occupy a place? Great, just give me the answers so I can.

still - remain in place or at rest; motionless, stationary, free from sound or noise, silent, free from turbulence or commotion

I will be able to remain there and rest once the rent is paid or if I know we’re closing. Either way God you will be God right?

and - added to, plus, then, also, again, repeatedly, at the same time

So there’s more? This is difficult enough as it is.

know - perceive or understand as fact or truth, apprehend clearly and with certainty, have established or fixed in the mind or memory, posses inside, secret or special information.

I’m trying to understand. It seems we both want the same thing so what’s the problem?
Have you ever known something to well to know it for real. As I look back today (Thursday) I was like Job after 42 chapters when he says, “THEN Job said to the Lord, I know that You can do all things, and that no thought or purpose of Yours can be restrained or thwarted. [You said to me] Who is this that darkens and obscures counsel [by words] without knowledge? Therefore [I now see] I have [rashly] uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. [I had virtually said to You what You have said to me:] Hear, I beseech You, and I will speak; I will demand of You, and You declare to me. I had heard of You [only] by the hearing of the ear, but now my [spiritual] eye sees You. Therefore I loathe [my words] and abhor myself and repent in dust and ashes.”

I never got it on Wednesday. My word study didn’t do a thing towards bringing me any clarity regarding the rent and whether the prayer room would continue or not. My heart said yes but my mind said maybe not. I reasoned enough to stay more in the God’s going to do something verses let’s wrap it up and spread the word that we are closing. I really kept hanging on the fact that God was sending people to the prayer room so it would go on. In fact by the end of the day I was recounting the God stories that have happened almost every day since the beginning. God stories that far outweigh this one thought, this one circumstance regarding the unpaid rent that is trying to consume me. The fact was that the blind man was blind until Jesus brought the truth with just a touch of His hand which caused the blind man to see.

As we were leaving the center I declared to someone that at the place where we go into the next month with the rent unpaid I was done. I am willing to sell all we have and give everything but I won’t cause others to be in that position out of my actions. The landlord has been gracious enough to allow us to just pay the rent in the month we’re in and be okay with that. So to go past that gracious gift would in my opinion be presumption. So I’m good to go. We have until 11:59 PM on Saturday. This moment is kind of like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego when they are threatened with being thrown into the fire and they say to the king, “Whether in the fire or not, our God is still God.” I’m saying, “Whether we have a prayer center or not our God is still God.”

The ride home was fairly quiet as Ann Marie and I just pondered the situation and where we were at and at least for me what was next? Still asking God what are you doing, what are you saying? As we get near home the phone rings and a story begins to unfold of God’s provision and answered prayer for a couple that we have been agreeing and standing with. I am in awe of God’s answer for this couple.

Then as Paul Harvey would say, came the rest of the story. They told us that on Friday we were to go to the bank across the street from where we live and that there would be a cashiers check for $2400.00 waiting for us. BE STILL AND KNOW…. that I am God. Put that $2400.00 with what we have and we will make the payment by the 31st.

BE STILL AND KNOW! I think I now get it. For two weeks God was revealing His truth as I studied Peter in prison, his execution scheduled for the morning and he’s sleeping. He’s not asking how or when. He knows that there is a group of people gathered in the name of Jesus and they are praying all night. He knows that whether he lives or dies, God is still God. Peter is being still and knowing that God is God. My knowing was what kept me from seeing. God is not keeping secrets from me or anyone else. Philippians 3:5 says, Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you. He revealed Peter to me. An entire chapter that was like a prophesy for us. Then He revealed the words of Paul to me, to think on these things. He refines the message down to a few verses. And if that wasn’t enough He says, “let me simplify this to a few words for you Ed, BE STILL AND KNOW! Know what? Know that I am your God and that I supply all your need according to My riches.

BE STILL AND KNOW! Not be still and reason. Not be still and figure out. Not be still and be anxious. Be still and know!
Know - perceive or understand as fact or truth, apprehend clearly and with certainty, have established or fixed in the mind or memory, posses inside secret or special information.

In closing…. Romans 4:20-22 (Amplified Bible) No unbelief or distrust made him waver (doubtingly question) concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong and was empowered by faith as he gave praise and glory to God, fully satisfied and assured that God was able and mighty to keep His word and to do what He had promised. That is why his faith was credited to him as righteousness (right standing with God).

Romans 4:20-22 KJV He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform. And therefore “it was accounted to him for righteousness.”

Hebrews 13:5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

I wouldn’t say that where I was at was a love of money but the need for some certainly was causing me some unbelief distrust and wavering. TO BE OR NOT TO BE… THAT IS THE QUESTION.